Alfalfie's Sponsoring Cycling Team with Same Standards as Food: Locally Grown and Steroid Free; Team Expected to Suck

Written by Betty Againstthem Wednesday, 08 August 2012

Boulder's iconic natural-food grocer Alfalfie's announced that it will be sponsoring a new cycling team in this year's US of A Pro Cycling Challenge, which will include a stage on August 25th that's supposed to finish up Flagstaff Mountain it's not on fire at the time.Alfalfie's free-range cyclists' lives should be more acceptable to Boulderites than that of this champion cyclist from a team in Kazakhstan, which is known to cage its athletes.

And to promote the store's commitment to providing nothing but healthy, natural ingredients, the cyclists will be monitored 24/7 to make sure they aren't genetically modified or injected with any steroids or other performance enhancers.

"If we expect our cows to be 100 percent natural, we think it's paramount that we expect the same from our cyclists," said Sue Stainable, Alfalfie's vice president of marketing. "Not only will our team be certified organic and grass-fed, but we're only going to use local athletes, so precious resources aren't wasted in transporting our cyclists to the race."

Monitoring its cyclists will be difficult, as Alfalfie's will require drug testing that's 1,150 percent more stringent than what's currently used in all the major cycling events worldwide. In addition to logistical complications in such rigorous testing and monitoring, there may be other difficulties inherent in maintaining such a drug-free team.

"We're probably gonna suck," admitted Stainable. "In fact, we're almost definitely going to come in last. However, we will have the only cyclists in the event that Boulderites would eat, and we think that's what really counts."