Boulder

Powder Haze Hitting Boulder, Fringe Festival Hopes It Clears Up Soon

•Written by Pearl Street• ••Monday•, 13 •August• 2012•

Steamboat Springs' critically acclaimed Pirate Theatre is taking its band of merciless satire-makers down the mountains and into Boulder, Colo., for a string of shows in the annual Boulder International Fringe Festival.If you're the type of person confident enough to laugh at yourself, yet not above laughing at others, Pirate Theatre's new multimedia musical comedy, "Powder Haze," will be the funniest damn thing you've seen in a long time.If you're the type of person confident enough to laugh at yourself, yet not above laughing at others, Pirate Theatre's new multimedia musical comedy, "Powder Haze," will be the funniest damn thing you've seen in a long time.

"Powder Haze: A Day in the Life at a Ski Town" is a multimedia musical comedy featuring a cast of ski bums, including Snowman, Rocky, Dude and Hardcore, as they work through the daily struggles of ski mountain life. From living by powder reports to the constant battle against tourists, those who have "real jobs," and redneck law enforcement, nothing is off limits. And thanks to new medicinal laws, the lifestyle really is a Powder Haze.

Of course, the crew is shocked and, frankly, scared to death, when events force them to move to ... Boulder? Can they adapt? Will they survive? Will they be forced to slackline? And will their medical cards be transferrable?

This must-see show will be playing at the Dairy Performance Space at 2590 Walnut St. Show times are Thursday, August 23, at 5:00 p.m. (a 2-for-1 performance); Friday, August 24, at 9:30 p.m.; and Saturday, August 25, at 6:00...

•Read more: Powder Haze Hitting Boulder, Fringe Festival Hopes It Clears Up Soon•

 

Boulder Watchdog Group Reprimands Organic Farm for Having Chickens that "Aren't Really Free"

•Written by Henrietta Clucksalot• ••Wednesday•, 08 •August• 2012•

Flatiron Farms, a certified organic collective that specializes in providing eggs and chickens to Boulder restaurants and grocery stores demanding "free-range" birds, was cited for several "animal happiness" violations by People for the Ethical Treatment of Chickens and their Right to Avoid Prisons (PETCRAP), a group of Boulder vegans with no real power to monitor the farming of tasty birds.A group of Boulder vegans plans to hold a candle-light vigil outside a local free-range chicken farm until "all of the majestic flightless birds held prisoner in these chicken-wing concentration camps are free to roam the Earth as they see fit." A local fox, upon hearing of the group's demands, said "yes, please, I'm quite hungry."A group of Boulder vegans plans to hold a candle-light vigil outside a local free-range chicken farm until "all of the majestic flightless birds held prisoner in these chicken-wing concentration camps are free to roam the Earth as they see fit." A local fox, upon hearing of the group's demands, said "yes, please, I'm quite hungry."

According to PETCRAP, the chickens at Flatirons Farms are living under "forced enslavement" and are unable to choose if they'd like to stay at the farm or go elsewhere, making it impossible to call them "free-range chickens."

"These adorable, powerful birds can't just take off and leave, as they have lost the ability to fly somewhere along the evolutionary ladder," noted Barry N. Nutslonly, one of PETCRAPs "Guardians of the Flock." "So they're stuck at this farm, living their mundane lives, waiting to be executed, plucked, fried and served to some...

•Read more: Boulder Watchdog Group Reprimands Organic Farm for Having Chickens that "Aren't Really Free"•

Boulder Votes to Restrict Panhandling to Those Who Don't Need Money

•Written by Bum Rushedouttatown• ••Wednesday•, 08 •August• 2012•

Building on its law that prevents anyone from "camping" in city parks and sidewalks overnight, which has forced many homeless people to move to different locations with friendlier laws toward them, Boulder City Council voted unanimously to make it illegal to panhandle anywhere in city limits unless you can prove that you don't really need the money.A longtime Pearl Street panhandler known as "Grizzle" (left) was recently ticketed for not having the required panhandling permit and forced to leave town. Brett Whiteman (right), a finance major at CU who blew this month's allowance on a kick-ass toga party, acquired the proper credentials by having wealthy parents back near Boston who fully paid for his college tuition.A longtime Pearl Street panhandler known as "Grizzle" (left) was recently ticketed for not having the required panhandling permit and forced to leave town. Brett Whiteman (right), a finance major at CU who blew this month's allowance on a kick-ass toga party, acquired the proper credentials by having wealthy parents back near Boston who fully paid for his college tuition.

"We want to stress that this new law, like the camping law, doesn't single out homeless people," said Boulder Mayor Matt Cherrybomb. "It singles out people who don't have any money, and if that group is predominantly homeless, that's just a coincidence."

The new law created a Panhandling Permit Board, which will oversee who is allowed to panhandle on the lucrative Pearl Street locations and surrounding streets. To obtain a legal permit, prospective panhandlers must provide legal documentation showing proof of, for example, timely mortgage payments, car ownership...

•Read more: Boulder Votes to Restrict Panhandling to Those Who Don't Need Money•

 

Alfalfie's Sponsoring Cycling Team with Same Standards as Food: Locally Grown and Steroid Free; Team Expected to Suck

•Written by Betty Againstthem• ••Wednesday•, 08 •August• 2012•

Boulder's iconic natural-food grocer Alfalfie's announced that it will be sponsoring a new cycling team in this year's US of A Pro Cycling Challenge, which will include a stage on August 25th that's supposed to finish up Flagstaff Mountain it's not on fire at the time.Alfalfie's free-range cyclists' lives should be more acceptable to Boulderites than that of this champion cyclist from a team in Kazakhstan, which is known to cage its athletes.Alfalfie's free-range cyclists' lives should be more acceptable to Boulderites than that of this champion cyclist from a team in Kazakhstan, which is known to cage its athletes.

And to promote the store's commitment to providing nothing but healthy, natural ingredients, the cyclists will be monitored 24/7 to make sure they aren't genetically modified or injected with any steroids or other performance enhancers.

"If we expect our cows to be 100 percent natural, we think it's paramount that we expect the same from our cyclists," said Sue Stainable, Alfalfie's vice president of marketing. "Not only will our team be certified organic and grass-fed, but we're only going to use local athletes, so precious resources aren't wasted in transporting our cyclists to the race."

Monitoring its cyclists will be difficult, as Alfalfie's will require drug testing that's 1,150 percent more stringent than what's currently used in all the major cycling events worldwide. In addition to logistical complications in such rigorous testing and monitoring, there may be other difficulties inherent in maintaining such a drug-free team.

"We're probably gonna suck," admitted Stainable. "In fact, we're almost definitely going to come in last. However, we will have the only cyclists in the event that Boulderites would eat, and we think that's what really counts."

Boulder City Council Alters Parents' Legal Status from Guardians to Companions

•Written by Matt Eroftime• ••Wednesday•, 25 •July• 2012•

In what legal scholars are calling a "bold move," the Boulder City Council voted 7-2 on Monday evening to change the city's municipal code so it will now refer to parents as the companions of their children instead of guardians.

The change of parental classification from guardians to companions of their children will have far-reaching consequences. As part of the new ordinance, if parents refuse to give their children money when asked by them, they can face up to six months in the county jail and a $500 fine. This Boulder child no longer will be expected to "serve her parent masters" under the new Boulder law. Like she wasn't in charge already ...This Boulder child no longer will be expected to "serve her parent masters" under the new Boulder law. Like she wasn't in charge already ...

Boulder City Council Member Tim Plass stated at Monday night's meeting, "By passing this law, we are altering the master/servant relationship between parents and children that has prevailed for far too long in this community."

In response to Plass' comments, Randall Farkin, a Boulder parent critical of the proposed change, stated, "Master/servant relationship, are you on drugs? 99.8% percent of the children in this community are already spoiled little shits, my own children included. All you are doing is giving the inmates control over the asylum. "

In response to such criticism, Susan Anders, president of Defense of Children (CDA), an advocacy group based out of San...

•Read more: Boulder City Council Alters Parents' Legal Status from Guardians to Companions•

 

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