Sheriff Declares Amendment 64 to State Constitution 'Unconstitutional and Unenforceable,' Refuses to Do Nothing about Marijuana Use
Written by Kandy Kush Monday, 27 May 2013
Routt County Sheriff Starett Bigguns recently joined a larger group of Colorado Sheriffs who decided that Amendment 64, which legalized marijuana in small amounts, is "unenforceable" as the law is now written, so they play on ignoring the new legislation completely.
"My crack legal mind has decipherized that Amendment 64, due to marijuana's federal illegalness and the general hippy nature of it, is 100 percent ... unenforceable," said Bigguns. "I don't need any law degree or judgeship or any form of legal standing whatsoever to tell me that. I can see with my own two eyes that Amendment 64 is just hippy-dippy nonsense, so our Sheriff Department will be ignoring it--like it never existed."
Sheriff Bigguns instructed his staff to stop enforcing Amendment 64, which required them to do nothing about marijuana possession and use. Although normally quite fine with doing nothing while on duty, Sheriff Bigguns couldn't stomach the idea of not arresting people for pulling bong tubes in the comfort of their homes.
"I can only do nothing on the job when it doesn't...Add a comment
Written by Howdy Westwaswon Monday, 01 April 2013
In a sight that was breathtaking to see in its beauty and yet sad in its nostalgia for a "simpler" time, the last-known herd of free-range snowmobiles was briefly spotted in February charging across Steamboat Lake. It's believed the elusive wild pack was heading from Sand Mountain to Hahn's Peak to frolic in the fresh tracks there and hunt for dwindling sources of wild fossil fuels.
"It brought a tear to my eye, I can tell you that," said Josey Gales, an 85-year-old North Routt local and regular patron at Hahn's Peak Cathouse, a domesticated snowmobile outfitter and brothel in the area. "I've heard rumors of this 'lost herd,' but I never thought I'd actually see them. When they were gunning it, easily past 60 miles an hour, and so free and unencumbered of men, it reminded me of how the west used to be, when wild snowmobiles roamed all over these parts."
Gales lamented the lost 'wildness' no longer found in the modern era.
"Why does there have to be so much 'progress'?" added Gales, his eyes misting. "Now there's roads everywhere, and schools and healthcare facilities and such. I remember, in the good old days, there'd be nothing out here except the cold snows and a trusty 370-cc Polaris Colt 150 between your legs. And gas was free, just like our souls.
"Now there's all them tourist homos on their 500-pound behemoths with mirrors and hand warmers. Groomed trails and warming huts. It's sad," added Gales. "Where was I going with this?"Add a comment
Written by Eve Enttsplanner Monday, 18 March 2013
After successfully promoting and marketing the Steamboat Ski Resort's 50th anniversary and the 100th anniversaries of Steamboat's Winter Carnival and Perry Mansfield Performing Arts School and Camp, aptly name Annie Versary, the woman hired in 2011 as a Special Anniversary Planner, has been working diligently to come up with additional major anniversaries to be celebrated in Routt County.
"It occurred to me some time during the Winter Carnival Parade that Steamboat may have run out of major anniversaries to celebrate," noted Versary. "And as that's my only job, it also occurred to me that I better get my shit together or I'm going to be out on the street before the end of ski season. I don't think they'll keep a special planner for the mountain's 51st anniversary. And 101 only works if you collect Dalmations."
Ms. Versary presented her list of upcoming major anniversaries to her joint employers, the City of Steamboat Springs and Intracourse, which owns the ski mountain. She highlighted the following events taking place in the next several years:
2014: The 200th Anniversary of Ute-tanasia, a Native American...Add a comment
- Organization Slams Winter Carnival for Misconstruing Meaning of 'Flash Mob'
- 'Unappreciated' Fire and Police Departments Suspected of Leaving Poop Bomb Outside City Council Meeting
- Denver Hears about '24 in 24,' Flocks to Steamboat for Long Lines and Tracked-Out Snow
- Routt County Mental Health Improving, Study Credits Newspaper Commenters for Uplift
- City Council Passes New Year's Resolution 13-B, Vowing to Quit Smoking, Eat Healthier and Stop Passing Stupid-Ass Resolutions
- Friends of Chief, the Dog, Concerned because New Owners Have No Idea What to Do with a Dog
- Steamboat Wooing Younger, Unmotivated Workforce to 'Fillabong Valley'
- Council Eyes New, Simpler Plan: BAP! and Police/Fire Station to Switch Homes
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