Steamboat Springs
It's Official: Bears Must Have a Seat on City Council
Written by Justin Truder Thursday, 13 November 2014
The number of bears whose official residences are within Steamboat Springs city limits has grown exponentially in recent years, according to a scientific study of reported bear sightings conducted by someone with a lot of time on his hands and a bag of Cheetos. As a result, the bears are now legally entitled to a seat on City Council, effective immediately. A special election will be held as soon as the bears nominate a slate of candidates.
According to a recent survey of 100 bear residents, the bear who broke into a house and sat in the kitchen eating pistachios and wouldn't leave is a leading contender (see "Police Fodder," Monday, July 28, 2014, 10:57 p.m.). One of the bears surveyed, who wished to remain anonymous, said, "I would vote for Pistachio Bear. We need more houses with large bowls of nuts and seeds left on the counters."
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Term 'Mud Season' Officially Replaced with 'F@#%ng Construction Season'
Written by Park Inglott Saturday, 08 November 2014
With a unanimous vote and support from the entire audience, Steamboat Springs City Council officially renamed the offseason months previously known as "Mud Season" as "F@#%ng Construction Season," effective immediately.
"Unless you're a hardcore mountain biker, no one in this town has seen any real mud in years, so that term no longer made any sense," said Councilmember Snott Fjord. "But we've all been late for important meetings, become pissed off to no end, and flipped off neighbors in frustration during the months between summer and winter: F@#%ng Construction Season."
According to one anonymous single-mom in the audience, "I understand that we can't do big construction projects during the tourist seasons of summer and...
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Pirate Theatre Facing the End of the Boat as We Know It
Written by Harry Sonford Tuesday, 21 October 2014
While the gang at Pirate Theatre has been liable for various calamities--hyper-extended funny bones, involuntary bladder release and various laughter infections to name a few--now they face their greatest threat ever: the complete destruction of Steamboat Springs.
After unearthing an ancient doomsday prophecy from the local Milnerans, the last and certainly craziest descendants of the long-lost Mayans, Steamboat's only hope for survival rests in the hands of Colorado Jones, an adventurer and archaeologist who wanted to travel the world...
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- 'Unappreciated' Fire and Police Departments Suspected of Leaving Poop Bomb Outside City Council Meeting
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