Steamboat Springs
Nature Report: Yampa Valley Ski Bums Awakening from Hibernation
Written by Cy Intifickcuriosity Tuesday, 21 October 2014
With the first winter storms gracing the Yampa Valley, another seasonal miracle appears to be in full force: from Oak Creek to Hayden, in trailers, converted vans and basement apartment, life begins to stir. As the temperature drops, a wide range of Ski Bum species awake from their annual slumber in anticipation of ski season and the opening of the mountain.
One of Yampa Valley's native varieties of ski bum, Bostoniana Slackerus, is seen waking from its long hibernation.
Shaking off the debris of crumpled cigarette packs, empty beer cans and half-smoked joints, these seasonal creatures, already clad in winter garb, begin migrating toward Mt. Werner and various restaurants across Steamboat with the hopes of finding a decent job that will afford them a ski pass.
"It's kind of beautiful," says Bob Upendawn, a local curator and advocate for preserving the long heritage of Ski Bums in the Yampa Valley. "Routt County has a unique mix of Ski Bum creatures. We have a lot of East Coast skiers that traveled west in the 1980s...
Add a commentRead more: Nature Report: Yampa Valley Ski Bums Awakening from Hibernation
Craig, Colo., Citizen Introduces New Laws Requiring Mandatory Tobacco and Bible Use
Written by Cy N. Mighty Wednesday, 07 August 2013
Building off his sketch-comedy inducing efforts to introduce
legislation requiring Craig, Colo., "heads of households" to own
and brandish firearms at all possible time, Craig Crumble, from
Craig, naturally, introduced new legislation requiring citizens
there to smoke, dip or chew tobacco as well as carry a Bible with
them at all times.
Craig Resident Craig Crumble (left) appeared on the Pirate Theatre Monthly Daily Show to show off his new invention, the Spit Dangler, worn by his legal expert, Dipschlitz (right).
"I just want Craig to be more 'Merican, unlike that Commie Steamboat place," mumbled Crumble as he spit tobacco juice on the floor and raised his Bible in the air. "And nothin's more 'Merican than tobaccah and the Bible--New Testament of course. Old Testament's OK as a starter, but you need Jesus in your heart to be a real 'Merican. Otherwise you're just Jewish."
Crumble cited the country's Founding Fathers as inspiration for the new laws. However, his parents, with whom the 48-year-old still lives with, noted that he cites imaginary writings of the Founding Fathers for everything he does.
"He'll only eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch," notes Larry Crumble, his apologetic father. "He says that's all Thomas Jefferson ate for lunch, so that's good enough for him. I actually tried to look that one up on the...
Add a commentRead more: Craig, Colo., Citizen Introduces New Laws Requiring Mandatory Tobacco and Bible Use
Johnny Spillane Announces Retirement to Focus on Tarnishing Perfect Image
Written by Tiger Woods 2.0 Thursday, 18 July 2013
Three-time
Olympic medalist, world champion and Steamboat icon Johnny Spillane
announced his retirement from Nordic-combined racing to spend more
time tarnishing his perfect image among fans and Steamboat Springs
residents.
Steamboat "Golden Boy" Johnny Spillane, sporting a new edgy and somewhat sinister goatee, announced with his retirement that he plans to spend more time "away from his family" and working on projects that make him generally less perfect.
"Sure, I said all the usual things about retiring to spend more time with my family, blah, blah, blah," noted Spillane in a candid interview with the Pirate News Network. "But I want to be like most 'big-time' athletes and really get out there to spoil this 'perfect-guy, goody-two-shoes' image I've been carrying around like a lead anvil all these years."
Spillane's primary focus on his "Golden No More" image campaign will be his continued work as the public face of the Three Men and an Olympian group seeking to build an unwanted and legally and politically impossible casino near the Hayden airport, but he hasn't ruled out other popular methods to ruin his public personae.
"My Negative Publicist, Muddy Thoughters, said the quickest way to really go...
Add a commentRead more: Johnny Spillane Announces Retirement to Focus on Tarnishing Perfect Image
More Articles...
- Sheriff Declares Amendment 64 to State Constitution 'Unconstitutional and Unenforceable,' Refuses to Do Nothing about Marijuana Use
- Last Remaining Herd of Wild Snowmobiles Spotted near Hahn's Peak
- Steamboat's Special Anniversary Planner Furiously Seeking New Anniversaries to Justify Her Position
- Organization Slams Winter Carnival for Misconstruing Meaning of 'Flash Mob'
- 'Unappreciated' Fire and Police Departments Suspected of Leaving Poop Bomb Outside City Council Meeting
- Denver Hears about '24 in 24,' Flocks to Steamboat for Long Lines and Tracked-Out Snow
- Routt County Mental Health Improving, Study Credits Newspaper Commenters for Uplift
- City Council Passes New Year's Resolution 13-B, Vowing to Quit Smoking, Eat Healthier and Stop Passing Stupid-Ass Resolutions
Page 3 of 36
«StartPrev12345678910NextEnd»
Please wait...