City Council Passes New Year's Resolution 13-B, Vowing to Quit Smoking, Eat Healthier and Stop Passing Stupid-Ass Resolutions

Written by Lyin Seacrest Thursday, 03 January 2013

Hoping to start 2013 on a positive note, Steamboat Springs City Council unanimously passed New Year's Resolution 13-B, which features several components geared toward becoming a healthier body of legislation than it was in 2012.To ring in the New Year, Steamboat Springs City Council passed Resolution 13-B, promising that council members will try to eat more broccoli and stop passing stupid-ass resolutions such as 13-B or those that may result in this police officer working out of this crappy hotel.

"We let ourselves go a little in 2012," said City Council Member Sonja Bloomingdales. "Especially toward the holidays. As a group, we ate too many Christmas cookies, drank a little too much egg nog or wine or jello shots, and passed a few too many stupid-ass resolutions and laws. We're going to try to cut down on all of those things."

Specifics of 13-B include a pledge to eat more fruits and vegetables, and there's a rider clause to join a Pilates class and actually go this time. Other initiatives include a promise to quit smoking, with a discretionary budget increase to purchase nicotine patches if necessary, and a vow to spend more time with family. The council voted 5-2 that in-laws do not count as family.

The final resolution tacked onto the resolution was the resolution to stop passing so many stupid-ass resolutions.

"This was in response to a lot of things," noted City Council President Kart Beforehorseski. "I know I introduced a couple of useless budgetary items I'm not too proud of. And the whole fire/police/BAP! thingy has been a mess from the beginning, so we're hoping this last resolution will get us to think twice before we do anything else stupid."

Immediately after Beforehorseski's comment, Council President Pro-Tem Y made a coughing noise that sounded like "Iron Horse," to which much laughter ensued.

However, the council also voted unanimously that none of the elements of 13-B were permanently binding, and there was a good chance they were going to blow off most, if not all, of them within a few weeks, almost certainly by Winter Carnival.

"But I do hope I stick with the Pilates class," added Beforehorseski. "They say that core strength is the foundation of all good legislative bodies. But will there be sweating involved? I really hate sweating. It's gross."