Thank you for subscribing to The Local Steamboat Springs Pirate enewsletter, a new source for global AND local satire. We hope you'll enjoy these emails with the latest articles from The Pirate Web site, but if not, you can opt out below. Also, don't forget to like our Facebook page. DISCLAIMER: THESE STORIES ARE NOT REAL!!!
Written by Lyin Seacrest Thursday, 03 January 2013
Hoping to start 2013 on a positive note, Steamboat Springs City Council unanimously passed New Year's Resolution 13-B, which features several components geared toward becoming a healthier body of legislation than it was in 2012.To ring in the New Year, Steamboat Springs City Council passed Resolution 13-B, promising that council members will try to eat more broccoli and stop passing stupid-ass resolutions such as 13-B or those that may result in this police officer working out of this crappy hotel.
"We let ourselves go a little in 2012," said City Council Member Sonja Bloomingdales. "Especially toward the holidays. As a group, we ate too many Christmas cookies, drank a little too much egg nog or wine or jello shots, and passed a few too many stupid-ass resolutions and laws. We're going to try to cut down on all of those things."
Specifics of 13-B include a pledge to eat more fruits and vegetables, and there's a rider clause to join a Pilates class and actually go this time. Other initiatives include a promise to quit smoking, with a discretionary budget increase to purchase nicotine patches if necessary, and a vow to spend more time with family. The council voted 5-2 that in-laws do not count as family.
The final resolution tacked onto the resolution was the resolution to stop passing so many stupid-ass resolutions.
"This was in...
Read more: City Council Passes New Year's Resolution 13-B, Vowing to Quit Smoking, Eat Healthier and Stop Passing Stupid-Ass Resolutions
Powered by Joobi