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Written by Nate Tivity Sunday, 16 December 2012
Several dozen worshippers at Holy Name church in Kittypawpaw, Miss., were shocked when its previously plastic, life-sized "Jesus on the Cross" became animated with The Savior, who stepped down from his perch to address the congregation.To the disappointment of Jehovah's Witness members (top), Jesus Christ returned to Earth (bottom) simply to give props to Fox News' coverage of the "War on Christmas" and not to confirm the religious group's theory that he would exterminate the rest of mankind.
"First of all, I hope I didn't freak anyone out too bad by showing up here and occupying this statue," said Jesus Hank Christ of Bethlehem, Palestine. "But as my big day nears, I couldn't stand by and watch any longer without speaking my mind. So I came down here to Earth to give a 'shout out' to all the television personalities at Fox News. Their annual crusade against those fighting the War on Christmas really symbolizes everything that I stand for, and I wanted that message to get back to them. Wait. I shouldn't use the word crusade. Let's change that to their annual witch hunt. Yes, that's better."
Christ added that he's sorry he hasn't stepped in to stop all the actual wars that have been committed worldwide, some admittedly in his name, but he felt that humans needed to work that out themselves, and that they'd never learn if he just did...
Read more: Jesus Returns to Thank Fox News for Rallying Against 'War on Christmas'
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