Steamboat Legalizes Medicinal Bicycles

Written by GUEST CONTRIBUTOR Rider High Monday, 19 September 2011

In a recent study published by the AMA, riding a bicycle was found to give users remarkable health benefits and greatly reduce the likelihood of obesity in children and adults.

Pharmaceutical-grade Medicinal Bicycles include a large collection of "green" options. Some card carriers, however, found some of the bicycles (left and right) "too trippy" to be ridden in their current state of mind.

In a move to corner the new market of medical bicycles, pharmaceutical company Pfizer purchased all patents on bicycle frames and parts worldwide and successfully lobbied politicians to pass a law requiring every Coloradoan to apply for a medical bike card. An executive from Pfizer, Phill Bowles said, "It is our belief that the medicalization of bicycles will transform peoples' idea of exercise entirely." He went on to state, "They will think of exercise as a drug, and that will make them want it more and more, just like all good drugs do."

Steamboat Springs City Council unanimously passed a town ordinance to legalize medical bike use and required that all bike stores apply for a license to sell the now pharmaceutical-grade bicycles.   

Steamboat Springs has recently billed itself Bike Town U.S.A. and believes that Medical Bikes will propel the summer tourism to a new high. However, because of the uproar from the evil, road-hogging driving community, the City Council has voted 6-1 to limit the number of Bicycle Dispensaries to two for-profit dispensaries and one bicycle co-op.  Scari Helmutheadski, the one no vote stated, "I am for the legalization of Medicinal Bicycles, so I voted yes on legalizing Medical Bicycles, but I am against selling drugs to children, so I voted no on the dispensaries."

The three former bike stores awarded these precious dispensary licenses are Orange Kush, Chronic Bike and Ski, and the co-op, Club Bike Haus.

Brake, the owner of Orange Kush Bicycle Dispensary, says that the medicinal value of his new pharmaceutical-grade bikes has made his dispensary so popular with the locals that he's having a hard time keeping some models in stock.  He says, "word is getting out, and medicinal bike-card holders are coming from all over Colorado to buy some of my latest models."

Chronic Bike and Ski spokeswoman Harley Ridin says that, "as northwest Colorado's biggest Medical Bicycle Dispensary, we have an understanding of what each Medical Bike Patient needs, and we will match the medicine to the user perfectly." She continues by stating, "our Medicinal Bicycles are the best in Colorado. We had bike users studying in countries like Switzerland and France, where medicinal biking has been legally available for decades."

Club Bike Haus owner Dominic could not be reached for comment, but issued this statement via email. It stated simply, "Dude."

Keep looking at www.yourpirate.com for up to date information on Steamboat's Medicinal Bicycle Community.