Lanes Widened for Taylor E/GO

Written by y A. Politician Tuesday, 11 November 2008

In a 2-1 vote, the Routt County Board of Commissioners approved a measure to widen the lanes of Routt County Road 36 to accommodate the very large E/GO of Zurich Taylor, wife of state senator Zach Taylor, who lives and drives along the road.

Steamboat biker Lance Legstrong attempts to "stay in the lines" of the new bike shoulder, which was reduced to two inches to accommodate the massive Taylor E/GO.

The Electric/Green Operator (E/GO) is the latest full-size hybrid vehicle created by Ford Motors, and Zurich Taylor purchased one to lessen her carbon footprint and save money at the pump. Unfortunately, her E/GO is so large that she was unable to navigate CR 36 with its current five-foot biking shoulder.

"Let me tell you," noted Zurich. "My E/GO is huge, and I'm not that good of a driver, to be honest. I can barely stay in my lane with that thing. So when I see a biker up in front of me, I just close my eyes and hope I can get around them without knocking them into a ditch or me losing control of my E/GO. So something had to be done."

Mrs. Taylor then proposed to the commissioners that the biking shoulder be reduced to two inches in width, giving the Taylor E/GO an additional nine feet and eight inches to navigate CR 36, which has been widely known to occasionally bend or even "head off in a whole new direction."

At the meeting to discuss the proposed measure, 342 residents attended to voice their opposition to the road widening. Many were residents along CR 36, and others were members of the bicycling community. They also presented a petition with another 874 signatures of those who also opposed the widening. Zurich Taylor was the only attendee in favor of the measure.

The measure quickly passed with a 2-1 vote.

"What the fu$%?" asked local bicyclist Lance Legstrong, who regularly bikes along CR 36. "Everyone but her was against this, and there wasn't any rational reason ever presented for the widening, but it passed anyway? Seriously, what the fu$%?"

When asked if the measure was approved simply because Zurich is the wife of a state senator, Commissioner Dong Longer vehemently denied the accusation.

"That's ridiculous," said Longer. "I find it offensive that anyone would think that this could be a political decision. This was decided in the best interest of the county."

When asked how this was in the best interest of the county, Longer replied, "Have you seen the size of her E/GO? It's massive. There's nothing else we could do. Besides, she's married to a state senator, and if I want to rise in the ranks, I really need to kiss his ass."

Commissioner Diane Hates-Bush was the lone and frustrated dissenting vote.

"I just want to apologize to the biking, horseback-riding, kid-strolling, running, jogging, walking community," stated Hates-Bush. "I know none of you wanted the lane widened, but apparently Mrs. Taylor's giant E/GO won out over your concerns. I really don't know what else to say.

"Just be careful using the new two-inch shoulder," she added. "And try to stay out of the way of the big E/GO."