Riverboat Gambling Coming Soon

Written by Marginally Hairy Tuesday, 11 November 2008

The World Infamous Slugboat Bar, Beanery and Meet Market, where beer has sloshed, feet have danced, guys have fought and women are always outnumbered, is moving, building and all, right onto the slopes of Mt. Werner.  The raucous, rocking restaurant and bar will add Casino to its name as a clever, loophole-laden legal scheme allows the entire building to sit on stilts anchored in the newly daylighted Burgess Creek.  The move will happen as soon as construction engineers can actually locate the hidden creek.  "Whoever hid Burgess Creek really did an awesome job," said lead engineer Buck Naked.

The Slugboat will soon join the ranks of missing buildings in Ski Times Square when it is relocated to the yet-unlocated but soon-to-be daylighted Burgess Creek.

Attorney Guy Wise, representing the Slugboat, really did his homework, although some are saying he just copied it from a classmate.  "Riverboat gambling is allowed on a vessel in a body of water.  The size of the body of water doesn't matter, and the vessel doesn't even have to be floating, just 'in' the water," said an overly excited Wise.  Slugboat manager Cokie Bindlesniff also is fired up.  "Gambling is really going to jack up our revenue stream there will be so many new customers as well as all our local regulars who all like to come in and have something to eat and drink and don't forget about après ski and poker night is also going to be great and somebody please stop me...." said Bindlesniff.

It was not all smooth sailing, noted Wise.  Citizens Against Riverboat Gambling In Burgess Creek Aboard The World Infamous Slugboat Bar, Beanery And Meet Market tried to sink the project.   CARGIBCATWISBBAMM president Mitzi Schnitzelfurz said, "This is the silliest protest yet.  But we felt someone had to do it and since our group already had the right name, it was a perfect fit.  But then that unctuous Guy Wise showed us that World Infamous status is even better than Historic status and they could do just about anything they wanted so we all went over to the Slopeslide for some pizza.  But I am secretly itching to play the slots."  Aren't we all, Mitzi.