Dog Squad Shoots Man in Night-Time Helicopter Raid

Written by Snarls Barkley Tuesday, 10 May 2011

In a daring night-time operation, the elite-forces RIVERDOG Team 6 flew a BlackLab helicopter into the rural Native American Trails compound of an unidentified Steamboat Springs man and shot him ... in the buttocks.

It is believed the raid was in retaliation for terrorist acts perpetrated by the as-yet-unidentified male. It was originally speculated that the target was Osama Bin Laden, but he apparently was found and killed thousands of miles away in Pakistan, so it can't be him.The RIVERDOG Team 6 helicopter raid was led by this mysterious animal, known only by his codename: The German. Witnesses Twittered that The German took the buttocks-piercing shot.

Although no organization has taken official credit, the President of the Kennel of Justice, a rare Hawaiian Poi dog, is believed to have signed off on the operation. It has been rumored that he initiated the last RIVERDOG Team 6 mission to liberate Tinkerbell, the Chihuahua savagely taken hostage by Paris Hilton.

Upon hearing the news, dogs of all breeds and sizes gathered in Rita Valentine Park to celebrate. The pack of animals unsuccessfully attempted to climb streetlights and joyously barked spontaneous versions of "God Bless America" and "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

The rally ended after only an hour, however, when Animal Control police arrested the entire gathering for violating leash laws and not picking up their own poop. At this time, all of the dogs have reportedly been released to their owners, who promised not to let their dogs celebrate a human shooting ever again.