Steamboat Changes Trademark to '(Fill in the Blank) Town, U.S.A.'

Written by Les Dignity Thursday, 28 July 2011

After being known as Ski Town, U.S.A., for decades, Steamboat Springs City Council voted to change its official motto to "(Fill in the Blank) Town, U.S.A." Like the previous nickname, (Fill in the Blank) Town, U.S.A., has been officially trademarked, and now any version of _____ Town, U.S.A., can be licensed by anyone for a small fee.For a small fee, anyone can now temporarily name Steamboat Springs' slogan. Locals are especially excited about this weekend's motto, Mosquito Town, U.S.A., sponsored by GETOFF bug spray.

Council members noted that in recent years, several movements have labeled Steamboat as, among others, Bike Town, U.S.A., Paddle Town, U.S.A., and even Reality Town, U.S.A. Sensing an opportunity, council members voted to make Steamboat's slogan a profit-making venture.

"We realized that it's not the great mountains or snow or skiing culture that made Steamboat Springs into Ski Town, U.S.A. It's just actually having the words in your slogan," said Council President Scari Helmetheadski. "We could just as easily be Pie Town, U.S.A., or Poetry Town, U.S.A. All you need is the official title, trademarked, and that's what you are."

According to the new ordinance, anyone can fill out a permit application and name Steamboat Springs for $750 a day, with a maximum naming block of two weeks, which Winter Carnival has already purchased the rights for Ski Town, U.S.A., so they don't have to buy a bunch of new banners, signs, flags and other crap emblazoned with the previously permanent slogan.

Other slogans that have been currently reserved include Mustang Town, U.S.A., for the annual car show, Fourth of July Town, U.S.A., for that annual weekend celebration, Scary Town, U.S.A., for three days in October, Lobotomy Town, U.S.A., for a medical conference weekend in November and Steve's Hairy Butt Town, U.S.A., for Sept. 25. Another recently purchased slogan is Theatre Town, U.S.A., which was booked for the weekend of Nov. 10-12 to correspond with Pirate Theatre's upcoming show, CSI: Steamboat (Who Killed the Economy?).

According to Steve Stephensen, the sponsor of Steve's Hairy Butt Town, U.S.A., the permit process was simple and efficient, allowing him to name Steamboat after his unusually hairy behind in less than 20 minutes.

"I lost a bet with my buddies drinking over at Stumpies," noted Stephensen. "I was gonna pay them the $750 I lost, when one of them said, 'Hey! For that money, we could name Steamboat after your ass! Let's do that!' So we did."

Although some council members are disappointed that their town will be named after anyone's anatomy, they cite the extra income as well worth the humiliation they may feel on Dec. 13, for example, when the official motto becomes "City Council Sucks Town, U.S.A.," which was co-purchased immediately after the vote by hundreds of citizens.

Times are tough economically," noted Helmetheadski. "So when you can bring in $750 a day, just by altering who you are a little, you have to do that in my book. What's more important: money or dignity? I don't think you need me to answer that, do you?"