Boozin Wins Inaugural SUV River Rodeo

Written by Floyd Waters Thursday, 18 August 2011

Spurred by near-record water levels in the Yampa River and unwavering faith in the ridiculousness of mankind, the Steamboat River Carnival added a new event in 2011: the SUV River Rodeo. And because the river's popular "C" Hole was inexplicably damaged during a routine repair, to the point where it became unusable as a kayaking feature, the event was moved upstream to the often volatile "A" Hole.Steamboat Springs' Shirley Boozin completed an arresting routine to win the first SUV River Rodeo in the Yampa River's turbulent "A" Hole.

Held after the Lazy River Dog competition in which Steamboat mutts ignore tennis balls and sticks thrown unnecessarily into the river, but before the more-traditional kayak freestyle event where humans throw themselves unnecessarily into the river, the SUV River Rodeo pitted some of Steamboat's most committed semi-luxury, semi-offroad drivers in a battle to see who can perform the most flips, spins and other moving violations in the middle of a rapid and freezingly cold river.

The inaugural event was won by Shirley Boozin, a 42-year-old sheepherder from Steamboat Springs, Colo. Boozin locked up first place when she maneuvered her Hyundai Santa Fe into a perfect 720-degree inverted spin before blasting out of the raging "A" Hole, a move she calls "The Metamucil."

Unfortunately, the win was somewhat tainted, as several of her fellow competitors accused her of consuming performance-enhancing chemicals.

"Thass flaboney," slurred Boozin as she stormed off with her trophy, a set of silver-plated handcuffs with her name written all over them. "I din't take no drugs. Ish too early for drugs. I'm juss hammered... I have mad river-driving skillsh. What elsh can I shay?"