Vote No on 2B, Get These Damn Kooks Out of My Town!

Written by Kerr Mudgeon Thursday, 03 November 2011

Dear Steamboat Sheep,

Are you people serious? You want to keep paying the goddamn greedy airline corporations a bunch of our hard-earned money so they can fly an extra plane or two, or pay for their empty seats that they couldn't fill, just so those millionaire CEOs and stockholders don't have to take any risk whatsoever in their investments?

I've got a better idea! Why don't we just mail checks directly to those airline fat cats' home addresses? Each CEO gets $100,000, courtesy of Steamboat Springs taxpayers! Now that's a brilliant goddamn idea!

And what's so damn important about flying all these tourists in here, anyway? I remember when I first started coming to Steamboat Springs, back in the winter of 1923, we had to WALK over Buffalo Pass to get here. We couldn't afford to ride the Iron Horse, so we snowshoed 130 miles from Denver just to experience Steamboat's Champagne Powder, except we just called it "snow" back then, as none of us knew what champagne was, and powder was for girls' faces.

Then I tied Aspen saplings to my feet, hiked with them up Storm Mountain, as it was called back then due to the fact that the Werners weren't that big a deal yet, and it was goddamn storming all the time, which I could always predict due to a bout of gout that would always erupt whenever a big storm was about to hit. Where was I? Dammit.

Oh, yes! Paying the airlines, hah! Silliest goddamn idea I ever heard of. What's next, paying farmers not to grow food? Or maybe we should give billions of dollars to super-rich bankers any time they think they need it? What? We do that now? Stupid goddamn people ...