Intracourse: 'Ticket-Price Increase Pleased Snow God, Will Continue Policy'

Written by Gow Jing Friday, 24 February 2012

Intracourse, the owners of Steamboat Ski Resort, cited its recent lift-ticket price increase as the reason behind the record-breaking powder days that came just days after the price hike. According to officials, the snow god Ullr had long felt Steamboat wasn't charging enough for its daily lift tickets, which went up from $99 to $105.According to Steamboat Ski Resort owner Intracourse, this picture of Ullr the Snow God was taken of him in Pioneer Ridge during the epic snow day of Feb. 20, 2012. The company believes he was plowing through some "powder cashes" that were the result of his approval of the recent lift-ticket price hikes.

"It's obvious that Ullr was pleased with the rate hike," noted Floryn Fasten, Intracourse spokesperson. "It's too much of a coincidence that just two days after the announcement, Steamboat was hit with 27 inches of perfect powder in 24 hours. Ullr rewarded us for our aggressive profiteering. Everyone knows what a fan of capitalism he's always been."

In accordance with Ullr's wishes, says Fasten, Intracourse will continue it's pricing increases indefinitely as long as it continues to snow in the Yampa Valley.

"We're looking to create a cost-to-snow pricing scheme, but we're going to raise the costs first, and then assume the snow will follow, which is exactly what happened, so we know it will continue to happen over and over," added Fasten. "If we have to raise ticket prices all the way to $125, or more, we'll do that if that's what Ullr wants. There's no limit to what we'll charge if it will bring more huge powder days. Who's going to argue with that logic?"

The Pirate staff tried to get Ullr's comments on the new pricing strategy, via the usual method of creating a huge bonfire made with old Hart bump skis and dancing around shirtless like an idiot, but Ullr failed to appear or make any statement on his involvement in the recent epic snowfall. Intracourse attended the ritual, noting that because more snow continued to fall, Ullr wanted the prices to go even higher.

The Pirate also tried to contact the man responsible for the original price hike, Lucky Bastard, but he said he was busy "thanking his lucky stars" for the huge snowfall that saved his ass. Members of his family did note anonymously that the nasty emails he was receiving seemed to have stopped, but they can no longer find the family cat, which they believe was sacrificed by Mr. Bastard to please Ullr and bring the snow that will temporarily keep him from being the most hated man in Steamboat.

Bastard also refused to comment on the "cat situation," but did note that blood sacrifices sometimes have to be made in the name of face shots and throat-choking powder runs.