Attila the Hun Commits to Speak at Steamboat's Serfdom Conference

Written by World B. Conquered Thursday, 03 May 2012

Following in the tradition of recent speakers at the Serfdom Conference hosted by The Steamboat Mental Institute, such as Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Karl Rove and John Bolton, the event recently announced that its next keynote speaker will be Attila the Hun, who led the Hunnic Empire from 434 until his death in 453.The Serfdom Conference announced that its upcoming keynote speaker will be Attila the Hun, who will be promoting his upcoming posthumous memoir, "Europeans Are a Bunch of Pussies whom I Whizzed on as I Slaughtered them by the Thousands."

Although no previous speaking engagements at the Serfdom Conference featured a fierce marauder known for bloodshed and nearly sacking Constantinople (now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople) and Rome, Attila is expected to serve the same goal, which, according to Steamboat Mental Institute co-founder and vice chairman Rich R. Achin, is to "get liberals panties in a bunch and possibly make them wet their lily livered pants."

Like former speakers whom have written books titled "Unhinged: Exposing Liberals Gone Wild," "Culture of Corruption: Obama and His Team of Tax Cheats, Crooks, and Cronies," "Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism," and "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America," Attila is expected to use the forum to promote his upcoming posthumous memoir, "Europeans Are a Bunch of Pussies whom I Whizzed on as I Slaughtered them by the Thousands."

It's unclear if the keynote will be delivered by an impersonator or if The Steamboat Mental Institute has managed to resurrect the Hunnic king. Achin only responded coyly that he does possess "certain dark powers granted by My Master than can perform unspeakable atrocities against the world. And by My Master I mean Money, in case you thought I was talking about the Devil."

Due to the high profile and deadness of this year's speaker, and to satisfy Attila's unquenchable thirst for raw meats, ale and women, tickets for the event have been raised to $25,000 if purchased by June 25, at which point seats will cost $30,000. For a "tribute" of $50,000, VIP tickets can be acquired, which include one pre-battle feast and a horseback viewing of Attila's army as it burns and pillages this year's Routt County Democrat annual fundraiser picnic behind the Steamboat Community Center.

"Where else but at the Serfdom Conference can you find right-wing luminaries who are skilled at hurling venom and/or spears at our liberal enemies?" added Achin. "So if you want to hear some good ol' fashioned liberal bashing, and possibly see some real bashing this year, come on up to Serfdom Conference. But be sure to make sure your will is up to date, as Attila has been known to lop off the head of those who ask him stupid questions or make direct eye contact."