Alpine Gondola Taxi Open for Business

Written by Al Lottacable Friday, 15 December 2006

The taxi business in Steamboat Springs just became more competitive, as the Alpine Gondola Taxi opened for business over the weekend.

"I was inspired by the developments at Wildponies," said Alpine Gondola Taxi owner Sky Lookalikacrappa. "And I thought to myself, 'If they can get approved to run a gondola into a friggin' housing development, why can't I just take that a few steps further, and link the whole town by gondola?'"

Although laying the infrastructure of 147 miles of high-density steel cable and 342 five-story towers was an expensive process, Mr. Lookalikacrappa feels that all the effort was worthwhile. Steamboat residents and tourists alike can now jump in a gondola car at any of the 39 stops throughout the city and be transported through the air to their neighborhoods, favorite bars or, yes, even the ski resort, in a matter of minutes.

The project had received near-unanimous opposition from the community, but it passed through the planning process and was begrudgingly approved by City Council unanimously.

"I knew it was a terrible idea, but how could we say no to this project?" questioned Council Member Whydid U. Electme. "After giving Wildponies the green light for no good reason, it would've been unfair to say no to the gondola taxi project. But, I have to admit, that's a lot of freakin' cable running through our town."

When asked if he thought the enormous amounts of steel cabling and towers were an eyesore and ruined the once-pristine views of the surrounding mountains, Lookalikacrappa noted that "one man's eyesore is another man's giant tower performing an unnecessary function. It's just a matter of opinion.

"Besides, feedback was great over the weekend, especially from the bar crowd," he added. "Why pay eight bucks for a crowded van ride when you can use your new 'Gondola Taxi Pass' and ride through the night air in style?"

A call to Steamboat Springs police noted that although drunken-driving arrests were eliminated over the weekend, dozens of citations were issued for public intoxication and airborne urination. Another 47 people were arrested for marijuana possession inside what locals now are calling the "Ganjala Express."

In addition, 32 men and women were arrested for public indecency and nudity. "If the gondola's a rockin', we'll come a knockin'" noted recently elected Steamboat Police Chief Clancy Wiggum and his partner, Police Sergeant Lou.

Passes for the new gondola taxi can be purchased at any designated stop, such as Safeway, Old Town Pub, The Golden Cue (a.k.a., The Redneck Launching Pad) or the high school, among others.

Lookalikacrappa noted that his business offers a pricing structure similar to what's offered by the American Ski Syndicate for its ski passes. "Early season passes will be sold for $465 up until October 13," he noted. "After that date, they will cost $19,832."

(A PICTURE OF STEAMBOAT WITH A TON OF GONDOLA TOWERS AND WIRES EVERYWHERE)

CAPTION

Commuters in Steamboat Springs now have a new travel option, as 147 miles of steel cable and towers allow the Alpine Gondola Taxi to stop near most Steamboat attractions and neighborhoods.