Marijuana Dispensaries Cause Local Blogger's Head to Explode

Written by Ty Ping Venom Sunday, 04 April 2010

Steamboat Springs police have closed an investigation into the death of Ellis Dee, a 65-year-old local whose head completely exploded while he was typing his 435th rebuttal against medicinal marijuana and the presence of marijuana dispensaries in town.

According to the final report, Dee, better known in the blogoshpere as drugzkill35, was furiously virtually arguing with ganjajohn and legalguysit on the evening of February 13th, a Saturday. His last recorded "flame" on the Steamboat Pirate and Yesterday Web site was at 2:35 a.m., which is when police believe his head must have completely exploded.

No charges will be filed in the death of longtime Steamboat local and anti-drug advocate Ellis Dee, better known online as drugzkill35, who died of natural causes when his head spontaneously exploded during a vigorous chat session.

"Yeah, it was really gross," stated Steamboat Sheriff Stonedwall Jackson. "There were bits of gray matter and blood all over the place. It looked like one of them Saw movies, except the smell was worse than you think it would be. I've been pretty much having nightmares about it non-stop since then. Seeing a body without a head and all that mess ... it gets to you."

Police will not be pressing any charges against ganjajohn nor legalguysit (whose real names will not be released), as it was deemed they were merely exercising their rights to free speech, as was Mr. Dee. Police, however, are considering warning the Pirate and Yesterday, as Dee, using the drugzkill35 alias, was "an accident waiting to happen," said Sheriff Jackson.

"I looked into the online records of drugzkill35, and he just went ballistic whenever anyone mentioned that pot might be safe or helpful to some people," added Jackson. "I'm not sure if he had a bad trip or something when he was younger, but he pretty much lost his you-know-what whenever marijuana came up, and those new dispensaries seemed to put him over the edge."

The literally final entry of drugzkill35 was: "You goddamned hippies don't know anything! If you worked a day in your life you might realize that drugs and alcohol do nothing but hurt people! You're so stupid! I never touch the stuff, and I'm going to outlive all you young punks! You're all so stupid it makes my brain hurt! If I hear one more person say that pot can help people, I think I'm going have to hunt you down! Unless my head explodes first from all your idiocy!!!"

The next entry was from legalguysit: "Pot can help people ;)"

"It's a sad story, really," noted Sheriff Jackson. "I guess it just shows that people, no matter what they believe, just need to take it easy out there, even on the Internets. Scale back the anger a little. I don't think it's helping anyone. It certainly didn't help Mr. Dee. Maybe drugs kill, maybe they don't, but we do know that freaking out in a Web chat can certainly get the job done."s