Steamboat Acquires Enough Balls, Boots Triple Crown

Written by Harry Skrote Friday, 04 April 2008

Baseballs, basketballs, softballs, golf balls and footballs have finally been accumulated in large enough numbers in Steamboat Springs to allow city officials to cancel its contract with Triple Crown Sports.

Up until March 2008, Steamboat had been restricted by Article 4-20 of the Year-Round Resort Constitution, which specifically states that any town hoping to be promoted as a four-season tourist destination had to have at its disposal four balls for each person in that town.

Due to an influx of sporting families moving to Steamboat Springs, the city finally acquired enough balls to cut its ties with Triple Crown Sports.

"When it came to getting rid of Triple Crown, it was always a matter of Steamboat not having enough balls," stated Tee Bagger, city liaison to Triple Crown. "We couldn't meet our quota without Triple Crown, so we kept inviting them back--summer after summer. They bring a lot of balls with them."

It's believed that the two newest golf courses, HayHayHay and Ratamount, were crucial in providing Steamboat with enough balls to part ways with Triple Crown and its influx of tourist dollars.

"Golfers need a lot of balls," added Bagger. "But they play with tiny balls, and they lose their balls all the time."

But the final count was officially achieved when the Knutts family, complete with their collection of bocce and croquet balls as well as a pool table, moved to Steamboat in March, allowing the city to meet Article 4-20 without Triple Crown's help.

"We were really excited to find out we brought the balls to Steamboat that it had been lacking," said Sal T. Knutts. "We had no idea Steamboat was lacking in balls until we moved here. It feels good to have our balls so desired."

Although Tee Bagger lost his job as liaison when Triple Crown was cancelled, he insists that he's happy about how things worked out.

"I hated Triple Crown," he noted. "It feels great to finally have the balls to tell them to 'eff off.'"