Sleeping Giant to Participate in Sleep Study

Written by Zzzzelda Nightlight Sunday, 04 April 2010

Local iconic natural landmark Sleeping Giant was chosen to participate in a sleep study after it was discovered that seismic readings indicating minor earthquake activity were actually caused by an extremely rare reverse sleep apnea, which results in chronic snoring followed by brief periods of wakefulness.  "I just can't seem to get a good century's sleep anymore," complained Mr. Giant.  Dr. Denton Carters, of the Iconic Natural Landmark Sleep Disorder Institute, says that during snoring episodes, Mr. Giant has inhaled several small airplanes.  Dr. Carters theorizes that the condition was triggered by overexposure to media coverage of the Steamboat 700 Annexation issue.  In response to the unwanted periods of wakefulness, Mr. Giant says he drinks warm milk and watches C-Span, which usually succeeds in putting him back to sleep.  If these tactics fail, he has been known to drop in on City Council or Education Fund Board meetings.

Local icon Sleeping Giant undergoes studies for reverse sleep apnea, which results in chronic snoring followed by brief periods of wakefulness.

As the study proceeded, Dr. Carters had recorded periods of the rapid eye movement, or REM, sleep state, which indicates that the subject is dreaming.  He then called in world famous iconic natural landmark dream interpreter Dr. Ted E. Behr to provide his warm and fuzzy insight.  While reading Sleeping Giant's dream journal, the first thing that struck Dr. Behr was a recurring dream that Mr. Giant first had in 647 B.C., and about every 150 years since, in which Sleeping Giant dreams that he is the Maroon Bells.  Dr. Behr is certain that this represents feelings of insecurity and envy.  In another, less frequent dream, Mr. Giant dreams that he is base camp on Mt. Everest.  "Mount Everest is clearly a father figure to Mr. Giant in this dream," said Mr. Behr.  Mr. Giant had a horrifying nightmare in 1958 in which ski runs were cut into his flanks, chair lifts were erected, expensive fried food and pizza was served in mountain-top restaurants and poorly planned houses and condos were constructed all around him while angry citizens argued about affordable housing and annexation.  Most recently he dreamed that Olympic Gold Medalist Lindsey Vonn skied a slalom run from his knees down to his mid-section.  Dr. Ted E. Behr says that if you don't know what this means, you need to get out more.

Dr. Denton Carters and Dr. Ted E. Behr's study, which was sponsored by the prescription sleep aid Snow-Doze (caution: may cause drowsiness), will be published in the June issue of Iconic Natural Landmark Journal of Medicine and Seed Catalogue (caution: may cause drowsiness).  It's the stuff that dreams are made of.