Sheriff Stonedwall Jackson Sentenced to Scoop

Written by Frank Sanbeans Sunday, 04 April 2010

Routt County Sheriff Stonedwall Jackson appeared in District Court yesterday to stand before Judge Kay Whye for sentencing on his conviction for rampant tomfoolery, driving while over the pomposity limit and having a firearm in the car while loaded.  Sheriff Jackson was acquitted on the lesser charge of choosing the wrong wine.  Following her usual custom, Judge Whye asked the sheriff to bend over while the sentence was read.  Sheriff Jackson will have to serve two to four years as a lunch lady at Strawberry Soda Elementary School.  Judge Whye read the sentence and added, "I can't wait to see you in a hair net."  Jackson will have to prep, cook and serve food, and perform cleaning duties.  Students will be encouraged to mock him mercilessly.
 
Sheriff Jackson answered questions on his way out of the courthouse.  "I knew Judge Kay Whye was tough and I was going to get reamed.  I should consider myself lucky I didn't get sent to the high school.  I can't cook gourmet food, and they might have made me participate in that Dance Showcase thing."  Jackson's lawyer, Fritz Hammered, says that they will file an appeal "but don't hold your breath.  Everybody knows the Sheriff's a party animal and one taco short of a combination plate."  The sheriff is running for reelection on the Let's Party Party.