Council Helmetheadski Chooses Coke, Private Helmetheadski Picks Pepsi

Written by Flip Flopper Monday, 05 April 2010

In a blind taste test today, Steamboat City Council President Scari Helmetheadski selected Coca Cola as the more delicious beverage. However, private citizen Helmetheadski selected Pepsi.

"As an elected representative of the people of Steamboat Springs, I chose Coke because of its balanced levels of flavor and carbonation," noted Helmetheadski.

"But as a private person, I felt that Pepsi was the tastier product. It had a nice sweetness that the private me liked," she continued.

City Council President Scari Helmetheadski (top) completely disagreed with private citizen Helmetheadski (bottom) on most everything controversial.

When pressed by both companies' representatives to make a decision and support one or the other, Helmetheadski bristled.

"I have chosen! I chose both, depending on where I am and who I'm trying to appease," she retorted with a straight face. "I see no reason why I can't support both, completely opposite, sides."

Several other council members were wary of Helmetheadski's duality, and questioned her on several other topics. Quinnagin Beginnagin, president protemigan, asked the presidentski about her thoughts on medical marijuana dispensaries.

"As a council president, I believe medical marijuana is dangerous to our community, so I'm against them," stated Helmetheadski. "But," she added to audible groans, "as a citizen, I don't think we should interfere with individuals' rights, so I'm for them."

"Don't you think this could be considered pandering to both sides of the issues?" asked Councilperson Slim Angleking. "By declaring dual personalities, aren't you just ensuring that you can agree and disagree with everything at the same time?"

"Absolutely not!" protested Helmetheadski. "But that is correct."

At this point, the council was supposed to vote on the 700 Club Development, but knowing that Helmetheadski would be bi-polar on the issue, they decided to go out for beers.

"Sounds great," added Helmetheadski. "After a long council meeting, I love a cold Miller Lite. It's less filling ... But when I'm just a private citizen hanging out at a bar, I really like Bud Light. Wasssuuuppp!!?? ... Wait! Where's everyone going? Wait for us! I mean, wait for me!!!"