Steamboat Springs
'Buster' Busted for Butt-Snacking
Written by GUEST CONTRIBUTOR Gordon Speck, Steamboat Springs, CO Monday, 27 June 2011
Buster, a local Steamboat Springs dog, was arrested today for biting an unleashed human. Buster became increasingly frustrated with the pestering human, who, according to the hound, was constantly invading his doghouse.
This incriminating photo was taken moments before Buster plunged his fangs into the buttocks of a man Buster claimed was trespassing on his doghouse.After many calls for the humane society to correct the problem, Buster finally took matters into his own paws (and jaws). Late last night, when the unleashed human came around to disturb Buster yet again, he lashed out and bit the human pest.
Originally, Buster claimed he thought it was the mailman, who is accustomed to being bitten, which would have been legally permissable. After an intense interview by the humane society, however, Buster truthfully vented his frustrations and came clean. The laws governing this type of irresponsible action by Buster are strict and have no room for leniency.
Buster will be euthanized after paying a $1,000 fine to the city of Steamboat Springs to make up for lower-than-expected tax collections in the last quarter.
Epidurean Saved by IMF Loan
Written by GUEST CONTRIBUTOR Pat Weiner Thursday, 09 June 2011
Embattled restaurant owner Marco Pervert (pronounced
"Pair-vair") has seen business at his downtown Epidurean Restaurant
soften dramatically in the last several months, to the point where
it seems like it's closed, ever since charges of indecent exposure
were levied against him.
In this authentic, undoctored photo, Marco Pervert (pronounced "Pair-vair") embraces his new benefactor, fellow Frenchman Dominique Strauss-Kahn at the IMF. The two later celebrated their partnership in the traditional French way: stripping naked, covering their genitals in chocolate sauce and chasing young women around the Eifel Tower.
"I have too much exposure in the Steamboat Today--I'm in the paper more than medical marijuana," he said. "They just hate me because I'm French!"
"The people in this town have short memories. They will forget all about me when a new scandal makes the news. Maybe a dog shooting or a library stabbing," added Pervert. "Something like that will take the spotlight from me, and business will be back to normal. Until then, I have been trying to find a loan to keep the doors open."
Pervert's search for a local loan has not gone well. "I can't even get them to look at the meat in the display case. As soon as I reveal who I am and disclose my legal problems, the local banks won't touch me."
But Pervert has been...
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