Written by Phil Landering Sunday, 04 April 2010
Tiger Woods may be a great driver on the golf course, but his bad driving on the road forced the superstar to confess his less than faithful ways, wrecking his marriage and prompting many of his sponsors to drop him like a toxic asset. You won't see Tiger driving a Buick or shaving with a Gillette Fusion razor on T.V. anymore. And Tiger has given Nike's "Just Do It" slogan a whole new meaning. Tiger "Just Did It." A lot. But, you can't keep a good man down, apparently, and now Tiger has several lucrative new endorsement deals either in the works or already in his golf bag of tricks, so to speak.
Legendary condom manufacturer Trojan has signed Tiger to a seven year, fifty million condom endorsement contract. Trojan director of marketing Willie Raincoat says that Tiger is a "perfect fit for our product. We are going to feature a new line of sized condoms, the one, two, and three Woods. Tiger's face will appear on all of our products and packaging, and we will tee off our campaign with full page ads in Hustler and Playboy magazines."
Also trying to cash in on Woods admission as a sex addict are several pharmaceutical companies planning to market patches to curb the sex drive. There will be sex patches for men and women, and they will be worn, well, we bet you can guess where they will be worn. Woods is about to sign a deal with a new golf ball manufacturer, Cojones. Their ad campaign will feature the slogan, "You gotta have Cojones to be a player like Tiger!" Snack food giant Frito Lay is going to introduce a new cheese crisp product, which will be shaped like little putters and sold under the brand name "CHEATOS."
All of those obnoxious fans who would shout, "Get in the hole!" when Tiger putted are looking pretty prophetic now. Tiger may be taking an unspecified break from the PGA Tour, but not from raking in obscene amounts of endorsement money.