O*prah Sues O*bama fo*r Trademark Infringement

Written by Duke Caucus Tuesday, 11 November 2008

Television mo*gul O*prah Winfrey to*o*k o*ffense to* anyone using the letter O* without her permissio*n, even the candidate she stro*ngly suppo*rts fo*r the national electio*n.

In a written statement, Winfrey acknowledges that she had mixed feeling abo*ut the lawsuit.

"Barack is my guy, and I'm suppo*rting him co*mpletely in his bid fo*r the White House. I can't stress that eno*ugh. Ho*wever, I felt that it was just as impo*rtant to* pro*tect my business and the vario*us elements o*f my empire. And the mo*st impo*rtant element is the letter 'O*.'

"I was ho*ping to* no*t have to* seek legal action, but when I saw his o*wn 'O*' lo*go*, I knew I had to* act, just as I have with every previous case o*f trademark infringement," she added.

Winfrey's legal team, kno*wn to* be the seco*nd-mo*st extensive and well-paid in the entire wo*rld, behind o*nly the U.S. go*vernment since Dick Cheney arrived, has already successfully sued several so*up and cereal manufacturers fo*r their unsanctio*ned use o*f the letter "O*." She also* wo*n cases against the wo*rd o*rgasm and retired basketball player O*scar Ro*bertso*n, who* bo*th used to* be kno*wn as "The Big O*."

"I have no* idea ho*w she did it," said Ro*bertso*n in an earlier statement. "I was The Big - damn I can't even say it no*w because o*f the injunction - befo*re anyo*ne had ever heard o*f O*prah. But her team o*f lawyers had everything so* bambo*o*zled that the next thing I kno*w, I'm no*w The Big R. That's messed up.

"But when I tried to* resist," co*ntinued Ro*bertso*n, "bad things started happening. My bank acco*unts fro*ze up. My friends and o*ld teammates sto*pped talking to* me ... And when I agreed to* the deal, everything went back to* no*rmal. That's o*ne po*werful woman, that O*."

Acco*rding to* spo*kespeo*ple for O*bama, they're mo*ving no*w to remo*ve all uses o*f their "O*" lo*go*, and they'll go* back to* the previo*us marketing to*o*ls that simply said Barack O*bama in a mo*re traditio*nal manner.

"We mo*ved as quickly as we co*uld," said Eileen Left, one of O*bama's handlers. "We even o*ffered to* change o*ur candidates name to Barack Bama if that wo*uld please Ms. Winfrey, but she said that wo*uldn't be necessary. There was no* way we were go*ing to* challenge her this clo*se to* the election. She can make vo*tes disappear. She can have the 'O*.'"

* The letter O is an exclusive trademark of Oprah Winfrey Industries.