Father of Anna Nicole Smith's Baby Determined

Written by Carmen "Baby" Lightmyfire Wednesday, 04 April 2007

The mystery over who is the father of former stripper, Playboy Cover Girl, reality TV star and now dead heiress Anna Nicole Smith's five month old daughter is over.  When baby Dannielynn began cooing "ob-la-di, ob-la-da" from her crib,  all eyes turned to legendary sound man and rock burnout Rocky Balzearo, who was covering the custody hearings for Pirate News.

Rock burnout Rocky Balearo was found to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's newest child.

Mr. Balzearo at first denied being the baby's father.  "Before you accuse me, take a look at yourself," he said.  Mr. Balzearo was obviously bothered by the crush of reporters who surrounded him, saying, "Please don't stand so close to me."  He hesitated to undergo DNA testing, protesting, "I'm not a number. Dammit, I'm a man."  When it was affirmed that Mr. Balzearo was sound technician for the Skinemax special, "Anna Nicole and the Seven Dwarfs," filmed in late 2005, nine months before baby Dannielynn's birth and witnesses attested to the fact that Mr. Balzearo and Miss Smith were often seen together on and off the set, Mr. Balzearo agreed to the tests, which positively identified Rocky Balzearo as the father.

Now, the humble burnout and notorious low-life will have to deal with millions and millions of prying ears and eyes hanging on his every word and action. Mr. Balzearo agreed to sit down with this reporter and answer a few questions one-on-one.  "I don't need no money, fortune or fame.  I got all the riches baby, one man can claim," said Mr. Balzearo, holding his lovely daughter close to his chest.

Q: How did the affair with Miss Smith begin?

A: I got a call in the middle of the night, heavy breathing never sounded quite so nice.

Q: Did you know it was her?  What did you say?

A: Hello, I love you, won't you tell me your name. 

Q: Was it a magic moment?

A: Abra-abra-cadabra, I want to reach out and grab ya.  When you call my name, I salivate like a Pavlov dog.

Q: What did she say?

A: If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, come on sugar, let me know.

Q: So you and she really communicated well?

A: If you smile at me I will understand, cause that is something everybody everywhere does in the same language.

Q: Where did you consummate the affair?

A: Under the boardwalk.

Q: Was the sex good?

A: Love me one time, yeah my knees got weak.  Love me two times girl, last all through the week

Q: What did she say to let you know how she felt?

A: You make me feel like a natural woman.

The couple parted as friends when the filming was completed.  Mr. Balzearo told Miss Smith, "Baby, you can go your own way."  But he admitted missing her as time went by, and that he had moved.  "Since my baby left me, I've found a new place to dwell, down at the end of Lonely Street at Heartbreak Hotel."  Now, with the joy of fatherhood and his beautiful, rich daughter to comfort him and keep him company, he is more philosophical.   "Don't shed no tears, no woman, no cry," he said.