Nickelback Launches Twitter Attacks on Negative Criticism, No Longer Has Time to Make Music

Written by Fluff Rock Monday, 19 March 2012

Canadian Cheese-Rock band Nickelback has grown tired of people making fun of them on social media, and they're not gonna take it anymore. According to a Rolling Stone article, the band is vigorously defending themselves against any negative tweets or Facebook postings, sending a personal message such as "yeah, well you're the one that sucks" to each and every attack. To find time to answer all of their legion of critics, the band also announced that it is cancelling all tours and no longer working on writing anything music related.Canadian sort-of-rock band Nickelback has launched a fierce anti-anti-Nickelback social media campaign, spending all of their waking hours responding to critical rantings from musically responsible geeks and bloggers.

"We're just fed up to here," said guitarist and lead vocalist Chad Kroeger, motioning his hands up to his eyeballs. "And we believe that when someone says something we feel is false, you have to defend yourself. So that's what we're going to do. It's all aboot setting the record straight, so we're going to do that instead of worrying about any musical records."

According to members of the "Don't Fu&$ with Nickelback Strikeforce," a team of 14 diehard Nickelback fans and band members are sending "necessarily unpleasant" messages back to anyone in the world who types anything negative of Nickelback into the digital universe.

For example, when @MapleMusic tweeted, "If I hear another Nickelback song on Canadian radio, I'm going to renounce my citizenship and become a God-forsaken American. That's how much I hate Nickelback," the band responded with a counter-tweet of "Go suck an egg you traitor. I hope you enjoy Taylor Swift as much as the rest of those inbreds."

According to Web statistics released by Google, the band and its Strikeforce will need to send Internet messages every 0.003 seconds in order to put down all the tweets and Facebook posts that describe the band as "the worst thing that happened to rock and roll since Buddy Holly died." But Nickelback and its team believe it's a war they must wage.

"We've worked incredibly hard to create that soft-rock sound loved by 14-year-old social misfits the world over, and we're not going to let that be undone by millions and millions of haters out there," added Kroeger. "Hate on Nickelback, and suffer the consequences. We'll even make fun of your mother if we have to. That's not very Canadian, I know, but we've been pushed too far."