Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Leaving Cleveland, 'Taking Its Talented Musicians to South Beach'

Written by Wes Paul Tuesday, 03 July 2012

Shortly after watching LeBron James win an NBA championship with the Miami Heat, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, after 17 years of toiling away futilely in Cleveland, announced that it would be relocating in Miami immediately in order to "get what I deserve."Following LeBron James' success, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum quickly found a new home on South Beach. Neighbors said the museum at first stank of stale beer and failure, but the ocean breeze and sunny skies have cleansed the building, leaving it smelling of suntan lotion and success.

Kicking off an elaborate press event known as "The Rockcision," the museum, now going by the acronym RARHOFM, announced to interviewer Jim Gray that "I'm taking my talented musicians to South Beach," which is celebrity-speak for "Fu@k You, Cleveland, I'm moving to Miami."

RARHOFM explained that after watching LeBron James bail on Cleveland for a better team and better location, and seeing that within two years he received the championship, recognition and glory that he long sought, but didn't find, in Cleveland, that these were the footsteps the museum needed to follow.

"LeBron was the pioneer," added RARHOFM. "He was Cleveland, more than any other icon, including myself--even more than Drew Carey. And if he could realize that Cleveland was always going to be a city for perpetual losers, and that the only way he'd ever be the best and get the world off of his back was to get the hell away from this black hole of a town, then I knew I could do it, too."

The museum quickly noted that Miami already was a popular tourist destination filled with great music, alcohol and attractive women, staples of the Rock and Roll lifestyle.

"I can go to Miami and have other attractions complement me," noted RARHOFM. "The beautiful beaches can bring in tourists. The fantastic weather is a major draw, and the food is world-renowned for its quality and variety. In Cleveland, I was forced to carry the tourism there all by myself, especially after LeBron left, and it was just too much pressure, and too difficult a task without any real help. I was never going to live up to my full potential as a collection of broken guitars and gay-fabulous outfits in Cleveland, so it was time for me to move on."

According to sources, LeBron James was one of the first to call and congratulate the museum on its relocation out of Cleveland. The same sources say that James offered his backyard in Miami as a temporary housing location, until RARHOFM could find a suitable place of its own.

Understandably, those back in Cleveland reacted violently and angrily, again. Impromptu protests featured hundreds of Clevelanders in really old Craig Ehlo Cavaliers jerseys and Bernie Kosar Browns jerseys building bonfires to immolate official Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum maps, brochures, keychains and novelty mouse pads.

The "hatebration" ended quietly, however, when everyone realized LeBron James and RARHOFM made the correct decisions and were better off in Miami.

"Miami has it all: sun, babes, beaches, babes," said Kyle Yahoga, a lifetime resident of Cleveland known for occasionally accidentally lighting himself on fire. "And their sports teams have won more championships than Cleveland has in the last 80 years, and no one there even gives a crap because they've got much better things to do. Ahhh ... Just kill me now. Seriously. Please?"