Michael Douglas Overcomes Cancer, Splits from Unstable Wife, Now Focusing on Chrystal Meth Empire

Written by Walt Whitman Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Movie star Michael Douglas, 68, who fought through cancer treatments that appear to have been successful, announced that he has "taken a break" from his marriage to Catherine Zeta-Jones, 43, who reportedly has been suffering from mental-health issues.Now single and cancer-free, Michael Douglas declared that all business associates should refer to him as "Michaelsenberg."

"It was just time," noted Douglas. "We have been having problems likely caused by my growing chrystal methamphetamine cooking business, and we just couldn't get on the same page. But it's OK, our children are going to spend some time at her brother's while we try and work this out."

Douglas did add that he's excited to be able to finally pour his "full energy" into his high-purity meth empire, which now stretches across all of Southern California and into parts of Nevada and Arizona. He also announced that he'd be partnering with California Pizza Kitchen to help distribute his narcotics.

"There's still a lot of work to be done, both on my marriage and building my customer base," he noted. "But right now my main concern is Catherine's brother, David, who's become a major problem for reasons I can't get into ..."