Mel Gibson Officially Named Craziest Actor Alive; Heston, Cruise Rage at Snub

Written by John Tesh Friday, 15 December 2006

At a ceremony inside Hollywood's Kodak Theater, Mel Gibson was named 2006's Craziest Actor Alive. Gibson was a frontrunner, along with Tom Cruise, for the award prior to his recent anti-Semitic rant following a drunken driving arrest, but the latest incident "put him over the top--way, way over the top," noted one analyst, to take this year's top prize.

Mel Gibson, a perennial runner up, ran away with this year's award for Craziest Actor Alive. Police are still looking for him.

"I just want to thank the Academy, if any of you are actually real people and not my imagination, who voted for me," said Gibson in his acceptance speech. "This is a great honor for me. It really validates all of the hard work over the years, and the late nights staring at the sky waiting for the aliens to take me away to a beautiful planet where the tequila flows like water and there aren't any Jews around to poison the atmosphere."

Gibson also took time to thank Marlon Brando for dying, which disqualified him from the award that he had a stranglehold on for years. In fact, Brando's body was found with one of his Craziest Actor Alive statuettes in a stranglehold.

The festive award ceremony was briefly interrupted, however, when Charlton Heston ran onto the stage with a loaded automatic shotgun. At gunpoint, he demanded that Gibson give him the gold statuette in the likeness of Charlie Chaplin, one of Hollywood's first great lunatics. Trembling from the shotgun pointed at his face and the DTs, Gibson handed over the award to Heston.

"You'll have to pry this award from my cold, dead hands!" screamed Heston maniacally. "Ah, damn you! God ... damn you all to hell!" Heston then ranted at the skies as the event's specially mandated SWAT team unloaded, ironically, a barrage of automatic gun fire on the actor. Gibson then pried the award from Heston's cold, dead hands.

Cruise, who had admitted earlier in the week that he believed Gibson was going to run away with the award, possibly on a high-speed highway chase, handled the disappointment in stride. When asked how he felt about Gibson's victory, Cruise maniacally jumped onto his theater seat and proclaimed that "I love Mel Gibson! I'm not going to hide it! I am so happy, and I am not going to pretend or hide it or be shy. Something happened, and I want to celebrate it!"

The event ended with a resounding rendition of "Crazy" by Craziest Band winner Aerosmith, during which everyone in attendance, minus Charleton Heston, belted out the chorus: "I go crazy, crazy, baby, I go crazy!"