McCain/Palin Introduce New Slogan: "We're Not Smart ... Just Like You"

In a move hoped to reinvigorate the McCain/Palin campaign, it appears that the presidential hopeful is back aboard the "Straight Talk Express."

McCain: "We know you're all a bunch of poorly educated dumbasses, but it's cool, so are we! We can win with a coalition of the unknowing!"McCain: "We know you're all a bunch of poorly educated dumbasses, but it's cool, so are we! We can win with a coalition of the unknowing!"

"Fellow Americans, I know that it has appeared that my campaign has gone a little wacky lately," said McCain from one of his mansions in Arizona. "I've been throwing out gimmicks and 'game changers' and bizarre running-mate picks. And I've been saying just about anything that might win me some points with the ill-informed voters, regardless of truth or honesty.

"But now I'm suspending my campaign of all lies and distractions, my friends, and I'm going to deliver some honest truth: I'm not a very bright man ... I was nearly last in my class at the academy ... And I don't really care that I don't know much about the modern world ... And don't get me started on Sarah Palin--we all know what an airhead she is," he continued.

"But the thing is--most of you, my friends, aren't smart either. And that's why you should vote for me. Because I'm more like you. And by putting me in the White House, you can have your one chance to say to your oppressors who have been keeping you down, 'Ha! Take that all you smarty pants! John McCain's stupid, just like me, and he became President of the United States of 'Merica!!! So maybe I can, too, someday!!!'"

A stunned press corp sat in silence for three minutes, and then began questioning if McCain really was going to run on a campaign platform of "I'm Not Smart ... Just Like You."

"Absolutely! Look, you're in the press, so you can't be smart, right?" noted McCain. "Aren't you ticked off that all the smart people have better jobs? And I bet your boss is smart. Don't you want to get back at him? Or those snooty college professors trying to tell you what to think all the time? You really want someone like that, like Barack Obama, who's smart? I say it's enough of the smart people ruling us. It's time for the dumb people to take over! And that's why you should vote for McCain/Palin!!!"

A reporter then noted that this appeared to be the same tactics used by George W. Bush to win two elections, by appearing "folksy" and as "someone you'd want to drink a beer with." The reporter then noted that almost 80 percent of the country now realizes that such criteria perhaps weren't very good for choosing a president.

"That's nonsense," argued McCain. "I'm nothing like President Bush. Sure, neither of us are remotely inquisitive or thoughtful, and we both achieved wealth and fame through birth or second marriage and not on our own merits ... But he uses that hillbilly accent to sound unintelligent. It's much more difficult to convey simplemindedness when you have to do it based on your answers and judgement alone."

Then McCain's running mate, Sarah Palin, took the podium to answer questions.

"You want me to provide examples of me not having any intelligence? Now that's a good question. Wait, what's the question again? Does this have to do with Russia? Because I live right next to Russia. I guess I'll just have to get back to you with some of those answer things ... But don't forget: We're Just Like You!!!"

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