Republicans Walk Out on Waffle City Breakfast Tab After Tax Included in Bill

Written by Noah Compromise Monday, 18 July 2011

Several key Republican leaders "dined and ditched" at a K Street Waffle City when their waitress, Demma Krazt, presented them with a bill for the meal that included sales tax. Rebelling over a bill that included sales tax, the Republican Breakfast Club included, in simplest terms, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal (not in order, some overlap).

"We signed a pledge with the American people that we would accept no bill that included any taxes on the overly burdened, wealthy job creators of this country," said House Majority Whip Eric Cantor. "All of us at breakfast were, of course, wealthy, so we had to ignore that bill, which quite clearly indicated tax on the bottom, right before where you add 3 percent for gratuity. Plus, I only drank water, so I asked that the bills come separately, and the servant forgot to do that, so we walked."

Waffle City is considering whether to press theft charges against the "Breakfast Club," which also included Speaker of the House John Boehner and presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann. Ms. Kratz is also wondering who will pay her back for the $87 tab she was stuck with under Waffle City regulations.

"Do these people realize that a 'bill' is not something you don't pay when it doesn't suit you?" asked Kratz. "I brought them waffles, pancakes, sausage patties, biscuits--you name it. They asked for just about everything, and they got it. And the crazy lady kept sending back her toast, saying it wasn't white enough for her approval. She did that five times! But then they skip out because I have to add tax to the ticket? It's 6.2 percent, and the computer does it automatically. What do they want me to do?"

A representative from Boehner's office responded to Kratz's criticism, saying "the diners only wanted to be presented with a clean bill, which they would have happily approved. But, instead, Demma Kratz inserted a tax on job creators, which no one in the Republican Party will accept in any bill they come across at any time, with no exceptions. Mr. Boehner is a man of principle, and rich, so he will accept no taxes on himself for any reason."

Waffle City has set a deadline, giving the Breakfast Club until August 2nd to pay for their bill. Should the Republicans continue to not pay it, Waffle City Shift Manager Jim Geithner said "a bunch of really bad shit will happen. I can't go into specifics, because they wouldn't understand, but it's going to be some really, really bad shit. They don't want to push this past August 2nd, I promise you. Scary bad shit."

Bachmann, like her other tab stiffers, continues to draw a line in the sand. "Someone has to stand up for the wealthy in this country. And as someone who is wealthy and can stand, I am that person. As Ronald Reagan said in 1776, as he dumped Splenda into the New York Harbor, 'no taxation without The Gipper!"