Obama Unveils New Campaign Slogan: That-O-Way

Written by Hope Fading Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Intending to show America the direction he intends to take the country if re-elected, President Obama unveiled a brand new slogan that will appear on TV commercials, buttons, bumper stickers and campaign stops: That-O-Way.Obama's campaign is hoping its new slogan will pinpoint the direction the president hopes to lead the country in the next four years: That-O-Way. Team Romney countered immediately with its chosen direction: This-A-Way! American voters, naturally, are just confused as hell.

"It's something that immediately lets the country know, in specific and concrete terms, where he wants to lead the United States," said Him Messiah, Obama's campaign manager. "He doesn't want to take the country sideways, into France, as his opponents would like you to believe. And he certainly doesn't want to take it 'over yonder,' as that just sounds stupid, like something George W. would've said. He's going to take the country ... That-O-Way."

The new slogan was introduced after the last new slogan, "Forward," was painted by his opponents as a code for "Socialism."

"We're still not sure how the word 'Forward' can be construed as negative," added Messiah, "but if there's one thing Republicans can do, is get a label to stick to something. Ask John Kerry. On the bright side, it seems Romney and the rest are so reflexively for the opposite of whatever Barack supports, I'm pretty sure we got Romney to promise to take the country 'Backward.'"

Shortly after Obama's announcement, in fact, Team Romney announced its new slogan: This-A-Way!

"Not only are we going to stand strongly against taking the country That-O-Way, which would be a monumental disaster," said Fatt Toads, Romney's campaign manager, "but we promise to take the United States in a much better direction: This-A-Way! We're also going to do it in a much stronger and urgent way, as you can see from the exclamation point we added to our slogan. Obama shows no urgency whatsoever in trying to go That-O-Way. Even his font is weaker."

Obama was quick to point out the extreme differences in the two opposing platforms.

"I don't think you'll find a more important and telling contrast in this election," noted Obama. "They want to go This-A-Way, while we want to go That-O-Way. It's a simple choice for America. And, I think, after the American people have looked carefully at both options, they'll choose to go That-O-Way."

Asked to be more specific about where or what That-O-Way is, Obama pointed vaguely in several directions before saying, "That-O-Way."