Romney Trashes Obamacare, Presents Plan to Provide Health Care Coverage for Frackers

Written by Connie Taminated Tuesday, 04 September 2012

Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney stuck to his stump speech when his "Believe in America" bus tour made a second stop in Craig yesterday.At a campaign stop in Craig America, Mitt Romney announced a "personal mandate" that, if elected, all fracking owners and drillers would receive government-subsidized health care for their efforts in creating jobs and situations that require health care.

"Since I have been here last, I still have not developed any constructive policies for America," said Romney. "However, my promise, for the second time, to the people of Craig America, is that I will repeal Obamacare on day one."

Despite the Supreme Court ruling led by Justice John Roberts, Romney went on to say, "Obamacare is just bad law. You can never trust the opinion of someone who went to Harvard."

Although this brought a rousing cheer from his supporters, it was nothing like the response his next announcement garnered. After some folksy patter with the crowd to establish credibility as just another blue-collar denizen of the rural Western Slope, Romney moved past the "local flattery" portion of his visit and added an addendum not previously heard on the tour.

"Although I am on board with the GOP effort to stamp out Socialism, especially when it comes in Obama's African-"American" package, I pledge to provide government-sponsored health care to all frackers," Romney committed." It would be irresponsible to create jobs for communities like Craig America, and then not protect our workers."

Citing the statistic that shows a significant spike in STDs in communities near fracking operations, Romney went on to clarify that the health care coverage would not extend to women in the community who might contract an STD due to the increased risk, declaring, "The United States government will not pay for these women's health care and thereby pay for them to have sex."

After Romney's surprise addition to his speech, raucous jubilee erupted from one sector of his audience. When asked about the near-violent merry-making Romney's statement had produced, one local nursing student commented, "They're not from around here."