Republicans Vow to Limit Obama to 'Two-Term President'

Written by Cam Painagain Sunday, 25 November 2012

Almost immediately after President Barack Obama won re-election, Republican leaders promised they would do everything in their power to prevent Obama from winning a third term as president, but that this time it would work.Republican leaders fear President Obama will repeal the 22nd Amendment to the Constitution, which limits presidents to two terms, and name himself king or dictator for life. Of course, the last amendment to repeal a previous amendment legalized alcohol, so there is precedent for drastic action if politicians do something really stupid, like ban booze or nominate Sarah Palin for president in 2016.

"Sure, I promised after the last election that my main priority was making sure Obama was a 'one-term president,'" said Republican Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. "And no, that didn't exactly work out. But this time, I'm really, really confident we can keep him from being elected for a third term."

Part of that newfound confidence lies in the 22nd Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, which clearly states that U.S. presidents can only serve two terms in office. And since its passage, no president has tried to question the legitimacy of the Constitution they swore to protect under all costs.

However, former vice presidential candidate, part-time governor and reality TV star Sarah Palin quickly jumped into the fray to voice her concerns.

"Many in our party don't believe that the Kenyan Barack Hussein Obama is a legitimate president, so we don't expect him to honor a Constitution that he clearly doesn't represent or believe in," noted Palin. "So we need to keep vigilant and fight against his upcoming attempts to circumvent the Constitution, which I'm sure will happen as he's been against the Constitution his whole life and illegitimate presidency so far. Americans can't afford 12 years of his socialism and non-traditional-American values. He'll take away your guns and marriages and daughters. And there will be things. So yes and then."

Although not all Republican leaders are willing to claim illegitimacy of the Obama presidency, many others still are leery that Obama will go quietly into retirement after his second term. House Majority Leader John Boehner is one such leader.

"Obama clearly doesn't want to do whatever Republicans such as myself tell him he should do, which sadly happens time and time again," noted Boehner between tears. "I keep explaining how his election reinforces the mandate that the people of the United States have given Republicans, and he just doesn't get it. By voting for a Democrat, the people are clearly saying that 'OK, we're electing you, but only if you do what the other side wants so we can have a bipartisan solution where a Democrat president agrees to Republican ideas and principles.' That's even-steven compromise. But he doesn't get that, so I'm not sure he'll listen to us when we tell him to go away, either."

To respond to those questioning whether Obama will seek to abolish a Constitutional Amendment, Obama called for a private meeting among dozens of senior Republican leaders. According to sources, the President explained his position as follows:

"First I'd like to make it very clear," stated Obama to the nervous gathering, "I absolutely intend to repeal the 22nd Amendment and stay President of the United States for life. I will also repeal the election process, as someday Trump is going to find my real Kenyan birth certificate, and I won't be eligible for a general election, so I'm going to just make myself a permanent dictator of socialist/communistic principles. Now excuse me, as I have to go swear in Jay-Z as the Secretary of Defense."

After walking out of the room for a few seconds, and several Republican leaders were treated for hyperventilation and at least two cases of brain explosion, Obama ran into the room laughing his ass off.

"Oh, I'm just fu#%ing with you people! Gotcha!" he added with a wink as Vice President Joe Biden gave him a high five. "Come on, you people tried everything you could to screw me and keep me from getting re-elected, especially you two, McTurtle and Orange Guy, and it didn't work. So you deserved that one. But if it makes you feel any better, I'm out after this. Two terms is plenty. Have you seen how gray I've gotten lately? I don't need any more of this stuff. But I don't have to face reelection this time, so I'm doing what I want. Deal with that."

Immediately after the meeting, McConnell went on air to state that he had successfully ensured, by his own actions, that Obama would be limited to two terms, and that this time he would not be terribly wrong or wasteful in his obstruction. And Fox News immediately announced that Obama admitted to being a Kenyan Socialist who planned on naming himself dictator for life.