Congress Avoids Fiscal Cliff, Awaits Upcoming Battle over Fiscal F*ck You

Written by Winnie Willitend Monday, 07 January 2013

In a deadline deal to avoid universal tax increases and deep budget cuts, the U.S. Congress passed legislation to avoid the so-called "fiscal cliff." However, several contested issues were merely postponed, and a February deadline looms over the U.S. debt ceiling and massive budget cuts that should be more venomously contested than this last debacle.Although Congressional leaders barely avoided going over the fiscal cliff, a new and more contested battle is expected over how to deal with the upcoming fiscal f*ck you.

"I know we just passed this fiscal cliff legislation," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. "But the next battle, in just two months, is going to be even nastier, so we need a really dramatic name for it. I'm calling it the 'fiscal f*ck you.'"

Reid explained that he locked in on the new name shortly after U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner recently and publicly instructed Reid to "go f*ck yourself" ... twice to avoid any misinterpretation.

Reid further explained that before Boehner's comments, he considered naming the upcoming battle the "fiscal Armageddon" or "fiscal apocalypse" in honor of the Mayan misunderstanding on December 21, but now he's certain that "fiscal f*ck you" is the right term for what lies ahead.

"The fiscal cliff was just Tiddly Winks compared to the upcoming fight on the debt ceiling, and we almost came to real blows over that," noted Reid. "This fiscal cliff was over billions of dollars. The next one is in the trillions. A fiscal f*ck you, indeed."

When reached for comment about the next legislative battle and what it would be called in the press, Boehner released a brief official statement:

"I have only one thing to say to Harry Reid and the Democrats: f*ck you."