Bush Vows to Not be Lame Fu&k President

Written by Allhat Nobrains Friday, 04 April 2008

At a recent press conference, President George W. Bush became angry with reporters when one of them proposed that the dynamics of his presidency had changed in its final year.

"Now, I resent that," Bush began. "I've heard several in the media lately saying that I've become a 'lame fu%k president.' I have to say that I strongly disagree with such words.

"Let's not forget, people, that I used to be quite the partier," he continued. "I was drinkin' all the time, snortin' coke offa cheerleaders' tits, runnin' away from the cops ... Does that sound like things some lame fu&k would do?"

George W. Bush insists that his days as a raging alcoholic and frat boy prevent him from being a "lame fu&k" in the last year of his presidency.

Bush also noted that it's much more difficult these days to create an impression of coolness, being president and all, but that he still tries to "keep it real."

"I many not own a baseball team anymore, and have Roger Clemens over to the house for steroids parties, but I do travel the world all the time, and that's pretty cool," noted the president. "And I got this really cool jet. It's gigandous. I take trips to Africa, and I look at all them big animals. I visit "Down Under" a lot and check out the kangaroos. Austria's a cool place. I just don't think lame fu&ks travel to Austria all the time, right?

"Plus I fish a bunch," he continued to looks of abject horror and astonishment among the press corp. "Now, that may not seem cool in fancy-pants places like New York. But in the south, fishin' is a way cool thing to do, especially if you kick ass at it, which I think I do.

"So I think it's clear that we can dispensitize with the notion that I'm a lame fu&k president."

After several moments of awkward silence, Buck Fush, a reporter with Time magazine, asked the president if he perhaps heard himself called a "lame duck president," which is a common term used to describe a president in the last year of his second term, when he can't be elected again.

"Hmmmm ... Lame duck, huh? No. I'm pretty sure I heard them calling me a lame fu&k. I think I'd know the difference. I am the president after all, although it seems like I just can't get anything done lately. It's like no one out there listens to me anymore," noted Bush. "Ya'll should come up with a term for that."