Many Men Like Breasts, Study Reveals
Written by Emerson Bigguns, Pirate Science Reporter Wednesday, 04 April 2007
A recently completed scientific study bared some startling statistics regarding male preferences. Dr. David Coppafeel of the Maidenform University Male Studies Institute (MUMSI), who conducted the hands-on study, said two big things really popped out at him. One was the huge turnout of applicants for the study. The second was the diversity of the results.
Dr. Coppafeel said that the subjects of the study ranged in age from 14 to 94 and represented every known race, religion, ethnicity, social and economic class, country, territory and local sports franchise on earth. The subjects were exposed to stimuli from movies, television, videos, magazines, books, calendars and fast food restaurants.
Thirty-six percent of the men studied responded most positively to stimuli relating to the human female breast. Twenty-four percent responded most positively to stimuli relating to the female legs and buttocks. Thirty-six percent preferred fast cars and French fries. The remaining four percent were classified as "hard to please." The results were tabulated on what Dr. Coppafeel calls a "soft belle curve," with a margin of error of plus or minus 83%.
Dr. Coppafeel feels that the study is going to be very useful to the scientific community, but that there could be a commercial impact as well. Foxy Television Network has said that it will take a long, hard look at the study to see if they need to adjust any of their programming to add any juvenile, inane, innuendo. Many major breweries, who spend an estimated $989 trillion annually on advertising, were shocked to think that they had completely missed out on this marketing strategy. "We think that this new information will provide a real bounce to sagging beer sales," said Phillip Myglass, an industry analyst.
Please wait...