Fox Report: Japanese Tsunami Created by Enviroterrorist-Trained Whale Splash
Written by Cy Entzsux Monday, 02 May 2011
An investigative reporter with Fox News, Sarah Palin, concluded that the tsunami which devastated Japan was not triggered by a massive 9.0 magnitude earthquake, as previously suggested by scientists. Instead, the tsunami was created by the simultaneous breaching of 20,000 whales, creating what Palin called a "gimungous Cannonball effect."
According to a report on Fox News, the tsunami off the coast of Japan was caused by the simultaneous breaching of 20,000 whales trained by Whale Wars "tree huggers."
According to the report, the whales had been secretly trained for years by the Whale Wars environmentalist group famous for antagonizing Japanese whaling fleets with their tiny boats and patchouli scent. The reporter also concluded that several other environmental groups and mostly likely U.S. President Barack Obama were in on the plot.
"It makes perfect sense," reported Palin. "In one move, the environmental terrorists cripple what was a perfectly safe nuclear energy industry, making it look all dangerous and stuff, and exact revenge on the job-providing, economy-boosting business of whale extraction.
"I haven't connected the dots all the way up yet, but I'm betting the money trail leads to some France-based Solar Energy Cartel and, of course, to the Muslim in Chief," she added. "It's the Gulf Spill all over again, which everyone now knows was caused by enviroterrorists looking to sabotage the oil industry. They'll stop at nothing to promote their agenda."
Upon questioning, the Fox reporter admitted that she couldn't explain how every seismograph worldwide recorded an "earthquake," only suggesting that 20,000 whales "kersploshing" at the same time might trigger such readings.
The report also speculated that liberal Sea World employees from California likely were involved, as they alone have the training to get whales to simultaneously jump like that, probably holding up some giant red ball for them to playfully nudge with their noses.
"We now need to show these enviroterrorists that we won't be scared into moving away from nuclear or oil energy," concluded Palin. "And we need to shut down any attempts to create renewable energy. That's just what they'd want, and we can't let these enviroterrorists win!"
In polling taken 15 minutes after the report was broadcast, 82 percent of Fox News viewers believed the "whale-flop" theory to be the likely cause of the tsunami and related devastation, down slightly from the 89 percent of viewers who believe Saddam Hussein was involved in the 9/11 attacks and the 94 percent who believe Barack Obama is not a legal citizen of the United States.
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