Lodgepole Pines Crossbred with Kandy Kush Found Resistant to Pine Beetles

Written by Stoned Goddard Monday, 30 July 2012

Science/Technology

U.S. Forest Service biologists, who have been working diligently to produce a genetically modified tree resistant to pine beetles, appear to have made an astonishing discovery that could lead to complete reforestation by 2025.Scientists believe they can repopulate millions of acres of forest land with pine-beetle resistant pine trees created by grafting Kandy Kush buds onto young saplings. As a side benefit, the new strain of trees could have a street value into the trillions of dollars.

The scientists were able to graft Kandy Kush buds, known for their pest resistance and pleasant high without any paranoia, to young lodgepole pine saplings, creating a new tree that's both resistant to pine beetles and "eminently smokeable."

"This is a huge breakthrough," said Forester Jan Twitchy. "As you've seen from our decimated forests, normal lodgepoles were defenseless against the pine beetle. But this "superstrain" of Kandy Kush lodgepoles appears to leave any beetle that attacks it in a lifeless state of catatonia, unable to do anything of consequence. And we were further delighted when one of our interns tried smoking its needles and got really baked."

So in addition to repopulating dying national forests, the U.S. Forest Service is hoping the Kandy Kush lodgepoles will revive the nation's tree-harvesting economy.

"Just think of the economic impact if millions of trees, with billions of tons of biomass, can be sold for $250 an ounce," added Twitchy. "I'm not an economist, but we might be looking at the United States' next great cash crop, if we can get the states to legalize it.

"And heaven forbid we have another big drought and forest-fire season," she added. "But if we do, with these new trees, it could be the biggest impromptu jam-band concert the world has ever seen."