New England Patriots and Denny's Partner on Anti-Tight-End Campaign

Written by Ike Bigbutts Sunday, 30 June 2013

Further sharpening their stances against tight ends, the NFL's New England Patriots and the Denny's breakfast franchise recently announced a partnership to co-promote their cause.For different reasons and via different means, the New England Patriots and Denny's breakfast franchises have partnered to create an "End the Tight End" campaign.

For its part, the Patriots have released a star player, Aaron Hernandez, a former tight end and current murder suspect, and are being evasive about the future of its other star tight end, the often-injured and more-often grabbing headlines for partying shirtless with strippers Rob Gronkowski.

"We've had nothing but trouble lately with tight ends," noted Patriots' coach Bill Belichick. "Sure, they were stars for us on the football field in recent years. But off the field, we obviously can't control them. So it's time to part ways with the whole concept of the tight end here in New England."

Belichick added that to make up for the lost receiving production, supermodel Gisele Bündchen will finally get her wish: fellow model, husband and Patriots' star quarterback Tom Brady will now be throwing as well as catching his own passes.

"We've designed several plays where Tom drops back, heaves the ball up into the air, runs downfield and then catches the ball," said Belichick. "The trick is that the ball has to deflect off of a defensive player first, so Tom's been working on skimming the ball of off defensive linemen's helmets. Like all things Patriots, we expect it to work really, really well."

On its end of the new partnership, Denny's will create a new breakfast platter, The Big End Slam, consisting of eight slices of bacon, three fried eggs and a scoop of ice cream with hot fudge on top. The chain also will continue all of its other practices that help its customers formulate gigantic posteriors.

"It's one of those great win, win partnerships," said Jumbo Cannes, vice president of marketing for Denny's. "The tight end is a rapidly dying breed in America, and we're just here to speed up the process."