Steamboat Springs

Missing Snowmobilers Found

Written by R. U. Sirius Wednesday, 04 April 2007

Three members of Routt County Hunt and Fetch walked into the Tugboat Bar and Grill last night and found
one hundred and fifty three missing snowmobilers, some of them not seen since 1979.  The missing snowmobilers, one hundred and forty nine men and four women, were thought to be generally in good condition.   

Some of the men were said to be suffering from long term exposure to loud, grade B rock and roll, bad dance moves, inebriation, consumption of starchy and greasy foods and blue balls.  All four women were suffering from exposure to loud, grade D pickup lines in Texas accents.  In other words, they were no worse off than 75% of the tourists who come to Steamboat Springs.

Routt County Hunt and Fetch Cocktail Hour Commander Dr. Levingston I. Presume said this was by far the largest group of missing snowmobilers ever found.  In 1986, a group of sixty seven missing snowmobilers was found at the Strawberry Fields Hot Springs.  Many of the members of that group were suffering from overexposure and dehydration.  Then, in 1997,  a group of 36 missing snowmobilers won the Triple Clown Slow Pitch Softball Tournament.  Some of the members of that group were thought to have joined the missing snowmobilers at the Tugboat Bar and Grill.

In other Hunt and Fetch news, three ice climbers attempting to turn Fish Creek Falls into the world's largest frozen Margarita had to be rescued while salting the rim of the falls.