Steamboat Springs

Enviros Claim Hunting Decimated Rocky Mountain Construction Cranes

Written by Connie Struction Tuesday, 08 May 2012

Environmental groups such as Cranes Very Limited (CVL) are blaming Colorado Parks and Wildlife, which previously decided to allow limited hunting of Rocky Mountain Construction Cranes, for the fact that these once common beasts now are rarely spotted in Steamboat Springs.A Routt County crane hunter, complete in camouflage gear, lines up a shot for his licensed harvesting of a Rocky Mountain Construction Crane.

"When Parks and Wildlife allowed 'limited hunting' of these construction cranes, they failed to take into account that the cranes often travel in packs or 'crews,'" noted Ryg Watcher, head of CVL. "It seems to me, and many other 'crane heads,' that the hunting of a few construction cranes scared off the entire species, as we can't find them anywhere in Steamboat anymore."

The environmental group noted that a lack of construction cranes in Steamboat has had a trickle-down effect on a wide variety of people and businesses--effects that may not have been thought of when the hunting permits were handed out.

"Parks and Wildlife may not have realized this, but it wasn't just about people like me wanting to look at the beautiful construction cranes through our binoculars," added Watcher. "It turns out that it's very difficult to build major real-estate projects without these beautiful...

Add a comment

Attila the Hun Commits to Speak at Steamboat's Serfdom Conference

Written by World B. Conquered Thursday, 03 May 2012

Following in the tradition of recent speakers at the Serfdom Conference hosted by The Steamboat Mental Institute, such as Ann Coulter, Michelle Malkin, Karl Rove and John Bolton, the event recently announced that its next keynote speaker will be Attila the Hun, who led the Hunnic Empire from 434 until his death in 453.The Serfdom Conference announced that its upcoming keynote speaker will be Attila the Hun, who will be promoting his upcoming posthumous memoir, "Europeans Are a Bunch of Pussies whom I Whizzed on as I Slaughtered them by the Thousands."

Although no previous speaking engagements at the Serfdom Conference featured a fierce marauder known for bloodshed and nearly sacking Constantinople (now it's Istanbul, not Constantinople) and Rome, Attila is expected to serve the same goal, which, according to Steamboat Mental Institute co-founder and vice chairman Rich R. Achin, is to "get liberals panties in a bunch and possibly make them wet their lily livered pants."

Like former speakers whom have written books titled "Unhinged: Exposing Liberals Gone Wild," "Culture of Corruption: Obama and His Team of Tax Cheats, Crooks, and Cronies," "Treason: Liberal Treachery from the Cold War to the War on Terrorism," and "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America," Attila is expected to use the forum to promote his upcoming posthumous...

Add a comment

Tourists Seared to Promenade in Brick-Heating Malfunction

Written by Stone Burning Saturday, 24 March 2012

Dozens of frightened tourists had to be airlifted from Steamboat Ski Resort's new promenade area when a major malfunction occurred with the system installed to heat the paving stones and keep them snow and ice free. Instead of heating the stones to approximately 55 degrees Fahrenheit as planned, the stones were baked to 555 degrees, causing several pairs of Atomic, Lange and Burton boots to be seared permanently to the brand new walkway.Dozens of Steamboat skiers and snowboarders received a "warm welcome" from the new heated promenade, which was inadvertently heated to 555 degrees Fahrenheit, searing their boots to the paver stones. The frightened tourists were airlifted from danger, with only a few, mostly snowboarders, reporting third-degree burns to their tootsies.

The stranded and hot-footed tourists were instructed to carefully unbuckle their partially melted boots, while not touching the intensely hot paver stones, as search and rescue helicopters were called in. Ropes were dropped to the stranded skiers and snowboarders, who were then airlifted a few dozen feet to safety.

"It was a perfect rescue," noted the lead helicopter pilot, Mav R. Rick. "We had to prioritize the snowboarders, as their softer boots, although more comfortable, melt much faster when placed over blazing-hot bricks. Some of them were picked up just in the...

Add a comment

Steamboat Springs

Enviros Claim Hunting Decimated Rocky Mountain Construction Cranes

Attila the Hun Commits to Speak at Steamboat's Serfdom Conference

Tourists Seared to Promenade in Brick-Heating Malfunction

More Articles...

Subscribe to The Pirate RSS Feed

Click the image below and get tickets for The End of the Boat as We Know It

Subscribe to The Pirate

Pirate Videos

Comment Highlights