Steamboat Springs
700 Club Announces Affordable Housing Plan: Magic Beans
Written by Prince Charming Monday, 05 April 2010
At a packed house during a special Centennial Hall meeting, Steamboat 700 Club finally released its much-anticipated plans to create its mandated amount of affordable housing on 15 acres of designated land.
"We've spent thousand of dollars on a variety of housing studies, and were certain that the plan we've come up with will effectively create the affordable housing that we promised," said 700 Club principal and project manager Manny Dullazy. "We apologize for the delay in presenting our affordable-housing plan until during the vote on the project, but we needed to be sure it would work. Without further ado, here it is."
The 700 Club affordable housing plan consists of giant developable beanstalks growing from magic beans.
Dulllazy then raised a small burlap sack high above his head.
"What the hell is that?" asked several members of the audience simultaneously.
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Steamboat Claims All 5,500 Olympians, Including Kevin Bacon
Written by Kenny Count Monday, 05 April 2010
In a bold move sure to spark international debate, the city of Steamboat Springs has laid claim to all 5,500 athletes competing in the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver.
"It's been nice in the past to claim 20 or 30 athletes, even though at least half of them have tenuous ties at best," noted Steamboat's Olympic organizer and promoter, Cookie Books. "But we found a new way to claim many more athletes. All of them, in fact."
Steamboat's Olympic organizers claimed all the 2010 Winter Games athletes as from Steamboat Springs, including a bewildered and confused Kevin Bacon.
The new program is called "Seven Degrees to a Steamboat Olympian," and it's often performed during bouts of heavy drinking.
"It's pretty simple," added Books. "You start by choosing any Winter Olympics athlete. Then you have seven moves to connect that athlete to Steamboat. Here, let's try...
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Council Helmetheadski Chooses Coke, Private Helmetheadski Picks Pepsi
Written by Flip Flopper Monday, 05 April 2010
In a blind taste test today, Steamboat City Council President Scari Helmetheadski selected Coca Cola as the more delicious beverage. However, private citizen Helmetheadski selected Pepsi.
"As an elected representative of the people of Steamboat Springs, I chose Coke because of its balanced levels of flavor and carbonation," noted Helmetheadski.
"But as a private person, I felt that Pepsi was the tastier product. It had a nice sweetness that the private me liked," she continued.
City Council President Scari Helmetheadski (top) completely disagreed with private citizen Helmetheadski (bottom) on most everything controversial.
When pressed by both companies' representatives to make...
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More Articles...
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- Medical Marijuana Dispensary Set to Open Pediatrics Wing
- Marijuana Dispensaries Cause Local Blogger's Head to Explode
- Kiddy Council Vetoes Public Option, School Nurse Preps Strawberry Soda Elementary For Switch To Privatization
- Elementary School Musical Banned from Elementary School; Steamboat Grand Welcomes Outlawed Show
- Code Yellow: S.S.P.P.D. on Patrol
- Steamboat Pilot Writers To Teach Grammar Class At CMC
- Sheriff Stonedwall Jackson Sentenced to Scoop
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