Hasbeen Announces New Line of Republican Candidate Toys
Written by Park Place Sunday, 25 March 2012
Hoping to cash in on the huge uptick in sales of its
Etch-a-Sketch classic toy, thanks to its association with
Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, Hasbeen Toys is
re-releasing several other new toys and games, each associated with
a candidate for the Republican nomination.
Hasbeen is releasing a full line of Republican Candidate toys, including the already famous Mitt Romney Etch-a-Sketch, the Rick Santorum God Simon and the Newt Gingrich Rubik's Cube that's easier to disassemble and "cheat on."
According to Hasbeen, its stock surged 125 percent after one of Mitt Romney's key advisors likened his candidate to an Etch-a-Sketch, with the ability to erase and forget any previous position and start over with new ones with a simple upside-down shaking. Surprised and pleased with the ability of its toy to be used as a political prop, the toymaker is introducing additional new versions of older toys that it hopes to connect with each candidate.
For example, the Newt Gingrich Rubik's Cube will feature a very loose inner core, so if you aren't smart enough to actually solve the Cube, but want people to think you're really smart, you can "cheat on it" and easily disassemble the pieces and reassemble them to "solve" the puzzle and try and impress the really unintelligent...
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Nickelback Launches Twitter Attacks on Negative Criticism, No Longer Has Time to Make Music
Written by Fluff Rock Monday, 19 March 2012
Canadian Cheese-Rock band Nickelback has grown tired of people
making fun of them on social media, and they're not gonna take it
anymore. According to a Rolling Stone article, the band is
vigorously defending themselves against any negative tweets or
Facebook postings, sending a personal message such as "yeah, well
you're the one that sucks" to each and every attack. To find time
to answer all of their legion of critics, the band also announced
that it is cancelling all tours and no longer working on writing
anything music related.
Canadian sort-of-rock band Nickelback has launched a fierce anti-anti-Nickelback social media campaign, spending all of their waking hours responding to critical rantings from musically responsible geeks and bloggers.
"We're just fed up to here," said guitarist and lead vocalist Chad Kroeger, motioning his hands up to his eyeballs. "And we believe that when someone says something we feel is false, you have to defend yourself. So that's what we're going to do. It's all aboot setting the record straight, so we're going to do that instead of worrying about any musical records."
According to members of the "Don't Fu&$ with Nickelback Strikeforce," a team of 14 diehard Nickelback fans and band members are sending "necessarily unpleasant" messages back to anyone in the world who types anything negative of Nickelback...
Add a commentLGBT Numbers Increasing, Study Cites Pandora as Leading Cause
Written by K.D. Bang Tuesday, 28 February 2012
Recent research indicates that those declaring themselves part
of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community are
increasing in numbers, up 23 percent from the same time a year ago.
The same study also indicated that 83 percent of those who say they
recently "came out of the closet" did so after listening to a lot
of Pandora.
"I clearly like gay music, so I must be gay," said Guy Sandwich (right), one of thousands of music lovers worldwide who have recently been introduced to their own gayness through Pandora, the online music service that knows your tastes better than you do. "I just hope I'll learn to like anal intercourse as much as the music."
The popular online music site, which features a sophisticated computer model that matches a listener's "likes" and "preferences" to help find new music that he or she should also like, easily outdistanced "I could just feel it" and "I'm subconsciously trying to piss off my parents" as the leading explanation for why most people joined the LGBT community.
"I was listening to Pandora again, like I usually do," notes Guy Sandwich, just one of the many thousands of listeners who recently realized he was gay. "I've been using it for a long time, and it knows my tastes really well. So I started to become suspicious of my sexual orientation after a Sufjan Stevens song was...
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