Dems Cave to Republican's Demands for Continuing Annual Softball Game, Lose 132-0

Written by Sharon Balanced Friday, 05 August 2011

Wanting to keep alive the annual Capitol Hill Softball Classic, Washington Democrats agreed to a long list of demands the Republican team insisted on before they would "play ball." Surprisingly, the new rules seemed to work against the Democrat team, as they were trounced in record-breaking fashion, 132-0.

President Obama agreed to Republicans' new softball rules, which led to a crushing Democrat defeat, only after Republican leaders swore negotiaions would be more fair next time.

"We felt that it was important for all of the politicians to get together for this fun, annual event," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, on the losing Democrat side. "It was more important to us to get on with the game than worry about who won or lost."

"We buried those motherfu$%ers," countered Republican Majority Whip and Team Captain Eric Cantor. "The only thing that matters is the scoreboard, bitches."

The once-whimsical tradition looked like it wasn't going to happen in 2011, as the Republican team swore it would not play an inning unless Democrats changed the rules to meet their demands. The Democrats held strong in opposition, until an hour before the game, at which point they agreed to every single Republican wish.

Among the rules changes accepted by the Democrats:
• Any Democrat who touches a softball with a bat is...

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Republicans Walk Out on Waffle City Breakfast Tab After Tax Included in Bill

Written by Noah Compromise Monday, 18 July 2011

Several key Republican leaders "dined and ditched" at a K Street Waffle City when their waitress, Demma Krazt, presented them with a bill for the meal that included sales tax. Rebelling over a bill that included sales tax, the Republican Breakfast Club included, in simplest terms, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal (not in order, some overlap).

"We signed a pledge with the American people that we would accept no bill that included any taxes on the overly burdened, wealthy job creators of this country," said House Majority Whip Eric Cantor. "All of us at breakfast were, of course, wealthy, so we had to ignore that bill, which quite clearly indicated tax on the bottom, right before where you add 3 percent for gratuity. Plus, I only drank water, so I asked that the bills come separately, and the servant forgot to do that, so we walked."

Waffle City is considering whether to press theft charges against the "Breakfast Club," which also included Speaker of the House John Boehner and presidential candidate Michelle Bachmann. Ms. Kratz is also wondering who will pay her back for the $87 tab she was stuck with under Waffle City regulations.

"Do these people realize that a 'bill' is not something you don't pay when it doesn't suit you?" asked Kratz. "I brought them waffles, pancakes, sausage patties, biscuits--you name it...

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