Cruise Liners Long for Glory Days as Lame, Non-Experience for Old People
Written by Carnie Val Monday, 13 February 2012
Rocked by the negative press of a cruise ship that wrecked off
the coast of Italy and other recent "unpleasantries," the Cruise
Line Association of the Pacific (The CLAP) launched a massive PR
campaign to persuade potential passengers that sailing on a cruise
ship is neither dangerous nor life-altering in any way.
Hoping to stem a dropoff in passenger numbers due to recent cruise ship "mishaps" (left), the industry is fighting back with a PR campaign focused on reminding potential passengers that a cruise ship vacation is just as safe and bland as they expect it to be (right).
"Sailing on a beautiful, over-engineered cruise ship is just as safe and bland as a walk through a shopping mall," noted Carrie Beann, spokesperson for The CLAP. "You have a much higher chance of being killed driving to your local, corporate coffee shop. You also would have a better chance of seeing something authentic about the area you are visiting. As long as the captain isn't a drunken weasel of a man, cruise vacations are still the best way to gorge yourself on prime rib and tiramisu buffets in...
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Alabama Senator Rips Obama for Focusing on State of the 'Union,' Ignoring 'Confederacy'
Written by Redd Neck Tuesday, 31 January 2012
Alabama Senator Dick "Shelby" Charger (R) panned President
Barack Obama's "State of the Union" address, saying the president
was just another "Northern Elite" who never considers the "State of
the Confederacy," which he believes still exists in
2012.
A Senator from Alabama conjures this image of President Barack Obama delivering a "State of the Union" address that ignores the "State of the Confederacy."
"Just look at the title of his little speech," noted Charger. "The Union is a divisive term for those of us in the Mighty South. He might as well have called it the 'State of the Northern Aggression.' Those of us in the Confederacy don't recognize this Kenyan socialist and his anti-white stances."
Although the phrase State of the Union was written into Article II of the U.S. Constitution when adopted in 1787, Charger notes that it wasn't called that until Franklin D. Roosevelt used it in 1937.
"Roosevelt was a Democrat, and most likely a Communist," added Charger. "He used the word Union to alienate and degrade fine, white southern gentlemen like myself. And Barack Hussein Obama is carrying on that tradition."
Charger proposed a counter-speech to be prepared each year by a loyalist to the Confederate States of America, which most people outside of the south believe were defeated in the Civil War in 1865. The...
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Cain Mistress Confesses to Being Rove Plant
Written by Pete Sasauce Monday, 19 December 2011
Under severe prosecution and duress, former presidential
candidate Herman Cain's mistress, Ginger Snap, admitted that she
was "implanted" as Cain's concubine more than a decade ago by none
other than Karl Rove and his shadow organization of Republican
secret agents. Ms. Snap gave up these details after being hooked up
to a lie-detector machine on the Howard Stern Show, which is well
known for forcing quasi-celebrities into admitting somewhat
truthful trivia about themselves.
A lie-detector-based interview on The Howard Stern show revealed that former Republican frontrunner Herman Cain's mistress was planted in that role by Karl Rove and his secretive Free Jagoff's Society.
Snap was asked by Stern how she met Herman Cain, and after her original answer of "while pretending to choke down some Godfather's Pizza" elicited a "false" reading on the lie detector, she admitted that she has been a loyal member of Rove's "Free Jagoff's Society" and was ordered to be Cain's mistress for as long as was necessary.
"Karl and his lieutenants maintain a huge list of potential Republican political candidates," said Snap. "Herman, as one of the few black Republicans in the country, popped up on the Society's radar a long time ago. So Karl sent me in to 'put some dirt on him.' Sure, Karl knew about all the sexual harassment Herman had been up to for a really long...
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