Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Leaving Cleveland, 'Taking Its Talented Musicians to South Beach'
Written by Wes Paul Tuesday, 03 July 2012
Shortly after watching LeBron James win an NBA championship with
the Miami Heat, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum, after 17
years of toiling away futilely in Cleveland, announced that it
would be relocating in Miami immediately in order to "get what I
deserve."
Following LeBron James' success, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Museum quickly found a new home on South Beach. Neighbors said the museum at first stank of stale beer and failure, but the ocean breeze and sunny skies have cleansed the building, leaving it smelling of suntan lotion and success.
Kicking off an elaborate press event known as "The Rockcision," the museum, now going by the acronym RARHOFM, announced to interviewer Jim Gray that "I'm taking my talented musicians to South Beach," which is celebrity-speak for "Fu@k You, Cleveland, I'm moving to Miami."
RARHOFM explained that after watching LeBron James bail on Cleveland for a better team and better location, and seeing that within two years he received the championship, recognition and glory that he long sought, but didn't find, in Cleveland, that these were the footsteps the museum needed to follow.
"LeBron was the pioneer," added RARHOFM. "He was Cleveland, more than any other icon, including myself--even more than Drew Carey. And if he could realize that...
Add a commentObama Unveils New Campaign Slogan: That-O-Way
Written by Hope Fading Wednesday, 30 May 2012
Intending to show America the direction he intends to take the
country if re-elected, President Obama unveiled a brand new slogan
that will appear on TV commercials, buttons, bumper stickers and
campaign stops: That-O-Way.
Obama's campaign is hoping its new slogan will pinpoint the direction the president hopes to lead the country in the next four years: That-O-Way. Team Romney countered immediately with its chosen direction: This-A-Way! American voters, naturally, are just confused as hell.
"It's something that immediately lets the country know, in specific and concrete terms, where he wants to lead the United States," said Him Messiah, Obama's campaign manager. "He doesn't want to take the country sideways, into France, as his opponents would like you to believe. And he certainly doesn't want to take it 'over yonder,' as that just sounds stupid, like something George W. would've said. He's going to take the country ... That-O-Way."
The new slogan was introduced after the last new slogan, "Forward," was painted by his opponents as a code for "Socialism."
"We're still not sure how the word 'Forward' can be construed as negative," added Messiah, "but if there's one thing Republicans can do, is get a label to stick to something. Ask John Kerry. On the bright side, it seems Romney and the rest are so reflexively for the opposite of...
Add a commentThe Pirate Passes One-Year Milestone, Big-Ass Kidney Stone
Written by Ty Muhflies Thursday, 24 May 2012
In a breathtakingly important event viewed by 0.0000000000001
percent of the Internet, The Pirate Web site at yourpirate.com celebrated its one-year
anniversary in mid-May 2012. The site, spawned by the uberly
successful group known as Pirate
Theatre, based out of Steamboat Springs, Colo., surprised all
of the family members of its contributors by continuing to exist
after one year.
The Pirate Web site surprised a wide variety of continuously disappointed mothers and pessimistic spouses by still existing after an entire trip around the sun.
"I didn't think it would last more than a month," said Betty Againstit, a pessimistic yet realistic mother of one of The Pirate's contributors. "I always thought it was cute that they did shows in Steamboat, and the funny paper they put out was pretty good, but a thingy on the Word While Web? No, I didn't think they had it in them. Most of them aren't that bright..."
Working with a budget the size of most four-year-old's piggy bank, The Pirate Web site has managed to be viewed by more than 3,000 visitors from more than 50 countries. Its collection of satire stories spoofing local and world politics, sports, entertainment and more have been viewed by a wide variety of actual people in addition to search...
Add a commentRead more: The Pirate Passes One-Year Milestone, Big-Ass Kidney Stone
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