Written by Walt Whitman Wednesday, 28 August 2013
Movie star Michael Douglas, 68, who fought through cancer treatments that appear to have been successful, announced that he has "taken a break" from his marriage to Catherine Zeta-Jones, 43, who reportedly has been suffering from mental-health issues.
"It was just time," noted Douglas. "We have been having problems likely caused by my growing chrystal methamphetamine cooking business, and we just couldn't get on the same page. But it's OK, our children are going to spend some time at her brother's while we try and work this out."
Douglas did add that he's excited to be able to finally pour his "full energy" into his high-purity meth empire, which now stretches across all of Southern California and into parts of Nevada and Arizona. He also announced that he'd be partnering with California Pizza Kitchen to help distribute his narcotics.
"There's still a lot of work to be done, both on my marriage and building my customer base," he noted. "But right now my main concern is Catherine's brother, David, who's become a major problem for reasons I can't get into ..."Add a comment
Written by The Pirate Monday, 12 August 2013
Written by Frank N. Beans Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Due to continuing backlash caused by the online sexual exploits of former House Representative Anthony Weiner and current New York City mayoral candidate, processed-meat giant Oscar Mayer has unceremoniously dropped the word wiener, which is spelled differently but pronounced the same, from its products and slogans.
"Thanks to one sleazy politician, the word wiener has been tarnished to the point that we can't associate with it anymore," said company spokesperson Beau Lonie. "Now all you hear is 'Weiner sucks' or 'that Weiner is disgusting,' and that's not in line with Oscar Mayer products."
To help prevent small children or juvenile men from giggling at every mention of wiener, the hot dog's famous jingle has been changed to incorporate the product's new name:
I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Penis-Shaped Meat
That is what I'd truly like to be
'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer Penis-Shaped Meat
Everyone would be in love with me.
"We feel that Oscar Mayer Penis-Shaped Meat is more dignified than the now-maligned wiener name," added Louie. "We...Add a comment
- Pirate Theatre Monthly Daily Show (Episode 1)
- New England Patriots and Denny's Partner on Anti-Tight-End Campaign
- China Levels Hacking Charge at Obama, Claims U.S. Stole 'State Secrets' on How to Spy on Own Citizens
- CNN: Amendment 64
- Boy Scouts' Gay Ban Overturned, Makeover Consultant to Unveil New Branding with Better Fashion Sense
- Sheriff Declares Amendment 64 to State Constitution 'Unconstitutional and Unenforceable,' Refuses to Do Nothing about Marijuana Use
- Republicans Unveil New Benghazi Attack Line: Call It Ben-Gay-Zee
- Cinco de Mayo Declared Off Limits to White People Unless They Wear 'Kiss Me I'm Mexican' T-Shirt
Page 4 of 29«StartPrev12345678910NextEnd»